getting over EA and putdowns..

[movingforward1]

My exH and recent exP both became emotionally abusive towards me. My exh did not get physically violent, well not towards me but punched doors etc and used to literally foam at the mouth and shout at me .. exP was physically violent too.
I am struggling to move on and trust ANYONE let alone men. Feeling very let down and honestly believe i just did not deserve it.
Problem being the "memory" of it is affecting my everyday life and has become a sort of depression, it is constantly "there" .. I go over and over things that were said. EXh said no-one would care about me no-one would have me etc exP that i "have a long road alone ahead of me".. thing is i have isolated myself and fear this is actually going to be the reality. I have never felt "good enough"... perhaps some of the comments were made in anger, but i cant get past it.
Been having counselling and she advised to write the things said down and simply "cross them out"... I feel so hurt though, is it normal to feel so hurt and bruised by this? I know there are worst things to happen but i am really struggling (sorry) and just need some strength, almost feel embarrassed writing it..

Of course it's normal. What you're describing is extremely traumatic and, even though worse things may happen, that doesn't mean that your experience wasn't appalling. Soldiers coming back from a war-zone can experience Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. They struggle to feel normal, they feel guilty at surviving, they get flashbacks and nightmares, depression etc. That's sort of what's happening to you and it's going to take a lot of patience, time and understanding until you feel normal & strong again. Nothing to be embarrassed about.

Yes you will feel hurt because these people who treated you so appallingly were supposed to love you..... and you thought you loved them. Instead they did their best to frighten you and bring you down for no better reason than they were cowardly bullies on a power-kick. You didn't make them that way, you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Good luck

i have been out today, surrounded by people, for a meal with friends, i simply cannot bring myself to tell anyone, i feel ashamed, stupid, but it is keeping me detached iyswim.. i am probably not ready as i think i will literally break down in some ways with relief, however i know i really need someone i can trust who wont judge.. but because it is there it is coming out in other ways, affecting me functioning, my concentration etc
thanks for the understanding and it really does feel traumatic to me.. the aggression, pinning me to the bed, digging in on my chest with his fingers, pushing me over on the stairs, hard, the anger in his face and pure hatred, he took previous issues from his marriage out on me. he could literally "change" like a switch had been flicked, he would go into a haze and his eyes would be vacant, it was really scary.. he locked me in his car and told me "we are going on a journey"...then i seemed to be able to talk him around.. if i mentioned exh he would say i was living in the past.. always put downs... :-( i guess getting it out here is a start?