A personal story of female to male violence

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Yes this is a thread about a thread and obviously I've name changed and also changed some details, but the story is the same.

I have been with my DP for 5 Years, about one year in to our relationship we went on a (his) works night out. I was having a great evening and drinking more than is healthy, but feeling very convivial until I noticed my DP was paying particular interest in his female colleague. Previously he had been talking about her a lot saying how much fun she was.
I told him I was nipping to the loo and when I came out they had gone (the whole group not just him and her) I eventually tracked them down to another bar. He was not apologetic and looked almost disappointed that I had found the group. Generally he was being a twat towards me, put downs, comparing me with this woman etc. There was no affair but at this point he would have 'gone there'.
I had issues in my life that were temporary but draining me mentally and I wasn't the vivacious thing he had first met.
When we got home I confronted him asked him if he was having an affair. His reply 'No but I want to' he meant it.
I gave him a black eye. To have reached that point, alcohol, the stress of my 'issues' and him telling me that he wanted to shag his young beautiful colleague.
Anyway, the remorse drove me to a near breakdown. I am 45 I've never had a fight in my life. Never hit anyone. Ever.
I don't drink anymore.
We are still together 3 years on. I have never hit him since.
If this ever happened again I would never see him again.
He changed jobs and I have had to support him through some tough times too therefore he acknowledges life isn't always rosy. He apologised for being a twat and getting carried away with his infatuation.
We are very happy.

Had he posted here it would have been 'LTB' and 'go to the police' 'its never a one off'

Trust me it was a one off and the worst thing I have ever done.

I know some of the 'reasons' I have posted will be met with 'there is never an excuse' and you are quite right. I am not after anything I don't care if I get flamed because I flamed myself for long enough after the event.

Nor do I want to decry any advice given to anyone trying to leave a violent relationship.

It is simply my story that I wanted to share because I never ever thought I would be capable of doing this but I did and I am so sorry.

Actually, ElBurro your posting is almost suggesting that as long as the person being hit doesn't seem to mind and it doesn't really hurt them, it's acceptable behaviour. Bizarre.

ElBurro that's all ANY of us can do on a message board, including yourself. I don't think it is at all a unreasonable judgement call to say that allowing someone to hit you is enabling them to continue abusing someone - whether that person is you or their next partner. You only have to read the majority of DV threads on MN to know 95% of people would say precisely that.

Also Hyva you say 'the fact that you couldn't stop yourself becoming physical means it could happen again' I was over 40. I've been drunk before had shitty partners before, and I don't do 'violence' but I did then that one time. Why then? Is there a latent bully in me?

NotNew,
In my situation I chose not view it as a big deal. I would never / have never hit a woman and view it as unacceptable. But we are all different and react to situations in different ways and yes we all make mistakes - even those of us who are holier than thou. I am very sorry if this attitude offends you in some way but I feel that it is a little more realistic than believing that everyone will behave perfectly all of the time.

I pushed my DH once to the chest almost ten years ago during an argument. Again, drunk, completely out of character (I hate confrontation and rarely argue with anyone, especially DH) and in return he punched a door. Neither of our behaviours have ever been repeated.

I come from a family where there was violence from my father against my mother (and sometimes the other way around, lots of alcohol involved) as does DH (the above episode would barely have registered in either of our childhood homes) and had an abusive partner as a youngster. I could not have been more disgusted with myself that even with all my education, good relationships etc that I "repeated the pattern" so to speak. He was also completely ashamed that he retaliated.

We were able to talk about it, understand what happened and where it came from, agree that we wanted a better life for ourselves than our parents had and draw a line under it. If this had ever arisen again, from either of us, I'm almost certain I would have left the relationship. Still would.

"Had he posted here it would have been 'LTB' and 'go to the police' 'its never a one off'"

Other than "go to the police" I would have said LTB and "it's never a one off" to you.

I can't believe you stayed with someone who treated you so appallingly and for whom you were obviously a consolation prize because he couldn't get the woman he actually wanted.

Imaginative - it won't be long before NotNew arrives to codemn you and your partner for his enabling. Well done btw. It is exactly my point - one incident does not have to over shadow all of the good in your relationship.

"Why then? Is there a latent bully in me?"

Why then?

Presumably the public humiliation was too much for you.

No, you don't sound like a bully.

You sound like the one who was bullied.

Publicly, in front of a group of strangers.

I feel so bad for you that you stayed with him.

I slapped my ex across the face, very hard. I had had almost 3 years of his emotional abuse and womanising. He had also been violent to me on one occasion, but was under the influence of drugs, and i'd forgiven him.
I had never felt such rage as he viciously boasted about several women he admitted to sleeping with. Laughing at me and goading me.
I finally finished the relationship a few days later.I was astounded that I had reacted that way. I just could not stay with someone who could provoke such a violent reaction in me.I felt I had become as bad as him.
Obviously a massive lesson learned. Now if I get even the slightest hint that someone is disrespectful or trying to humiliate me, I walk.