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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Please help

1 reply

kate807 · 11/01/2014 14:46

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2.5 years, we've had a good relationship (few up's and down's, but who's hasn't). Anyway, over the last few months things have been different between us, I feel like he's pulling away. I have noticed that when a certain female 'friend' on Facebook posts any pictures of herself he sits there and stares at her, even when I am sitting next to him! She is a lot slimmer and more attractive than me, but I still feel it's wrong of him to do this, do you agree? I spoke to him about it last night and after a good 10 minutes of denying it, he finally confessed that he slept with her a few times around 5 years ago but didn't have a relationship with her. Now I'm not bothered by any of his other exes, I know he's slept with other girls and I don't give it any thought at all, but this girl really bothers me. Possibly because he drools over her photo's, and when we've driven passed her in the car she stares at him too. This girl also has a child, who is approaching 4 years old. If he slept with her a few times 5 years ago then this child may be his. He's always told me he doesn't want children, so right or wrong, for him not to have contact at least makes sense. I asked him and he said no, but lets not forget he denied sleeping with the mother at first.

This is killing me, I am so anxious and restless. I can't sleep or eat. I feel physically sick at the thought that he has feelings for another girl, and she may be the mother of his child.

What do I do? I'd like to find out the truth if he has a child, and if he still has feelings for the mother. I don't know the best way to go about it.

Can someone please give me some advice?

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 11/01/2014 15:31

The 'boundary' here is that, if it bothers you to watch him blatantly drooling over someone else's photo (fairly reasonable), you tell him it makes you uncomfortable and you tell him to stop. If he respects you, that shouldn't be a problem. You also tell him that you want the truth about the relationship. No-one who 'sleeps with someone a few times' and then moons over their FB updates for five years sees it as a casual thing. She's clearly the one who got away and of course you know that already and you also know he's lying. BTW if it was his child, wouldn't he be paying maintenance?

So ... being charitable.... give him one last opportunity to level with you & tell him to grow up and stop mooning

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