Another massive arguement

[nitrox]

Well, bit of a back story on my relationship, he's very nasty in an argument and shouts abuse at me.. I've never really said anything nasty back, just swear a lot and try to verbally defend myself against his ridiculous accusations.

Well this morning I went to help him with the bins, he snapped at me to leave him to it, so I went inside, a bit hurt as I was just trying to help before he left for the day.

He came in to say he was leaving now for the football (all day thing), and I was still pissed off and he asked what was up and I said I was annoyed he spoke to me like that. Well the abuse started as usual, even though he's promised not to.. blah blah blah..

Anyhow, he's come upstairs to my office, I've asked him to leave me alone about 30 times, he won't.. shouts at me that I'll be a shit mother one day and I fuck everything up and I'm useless, he's already been on dating sites to line the next one up etc etc, I got up and tried to close the door to get him out, he wouldn't get out, a scuffle ensued and I was trying to push him out the room, he won't leave, I push him with my hand under his neck, not sure why, but it seemed like a good way to get him to leave the room and now he has a red mark on his neck.

He's said I've abused him, despite the 5 years of mental abuse he's given me.. I've never hit anyone in my life and now I feel like I've done something really bad and everyone will think I'm abusive.

I've hacked into his iPad and he did go on plenty of fish last weekend, on saturday and sunday and also googled about 7 times the name of someone he works with who he's always said is a "minger", I've not met her.

I've cried so much, he's left for football now and I'm so lost and upset that it's come to this. I've spoken to my best friend and he's very supportive, but I'm so upset with myself for leaving a mark on him and also that he has that to use against me now.

I've not been interested in sex recently and he's been pestering me constantly, turning every conversation into a sex joke.. it put's me off so much, and he never comes to bed with me, even a couple of times a week would be nice for intimacy and cuddling, but never. He says he falls asleep, well on his iPad he looks at porn every night instead. I go bed at 12-12:30am, so it's not like I'm not up late, and he gets up at 6:30 for work, so he waits til I've gone bed to look at porn. I don't mind porn, I look at it myself now and again, but everynight? and he's looked at fleshlights online too.

I know I can't stay with him, but how do I get my thoughts together..

[sooperdooper]

Just wondered how you were getting on OP, hope you've made some plans to get out and get on with your life :) Australia sounds amazing, fantastic opportunity, don't let it pass you by