going to LTB, advice please

[creativepebble]

I'm in a stalemate position and would love some help please. I work part time and my husband has been out of work for a while, we have two young children. To cut a long story short it's completely dysfunctional and a horrible environment to be in. He is emotionally nasty and is an arrogant and hurtful person.
I'm trying to be strong at last and face the reality that there is no future with us together, problem is, he is refusing to leave because of the children and he says that if I want to put this into practice then I need to leave. The house is in my maiden name and he owns a property that is rented out which is about 40 minutes away. He is hugely sarcastic and saying good luck with getting me out etc.
Financially it has been a disaster for the past year or so and I know this will be more difficult as he has the youngest child when I'm at work and the older one is at pre-school. I've said this needn't change while he is looking for work but something has got to give as I don't want our children in this shitty environment where I do everything and take all the vile shit he spouts. We had a separation in November and it got very nasty very quickly because of the type of person he is. I know it takes two to argue but walking away every time makes me feel like a doormat and it hurts so I stand up for myself. I have no idea as to my rights or what help there is for single parents etc.
The whole thing is horrible but I can't see a way forward. In our marriage we have had 2 sets of Relate courses and the writing has been on the wall for years. It's so scary and I feel awful and guilty because of the children and if the truth be told I don't want a 'failed' marriage but it's really the end now as enough is enough.
I may not be able to check back often but would really appreciate any words of advice. Thank you.

I'd strongly recommend you start getting legal advice because you'll get nowhere talking to him directly. CAB might be a good place to look for advice on any help available to lone parents and the benefits checker at www.turn2us.org.uk might be interesting to you. If the house was owned by you pre-marriage and you have DCs then you'll probably be advised not to leave. It's always sad when a marriage ends but it sounds like it'll be sadder to keep limping along with everyone so miserable. In the meantime, treat him as being not part of the family.... meals, laundry etc Might convince him to move into his other property.

Thank you Cogito, I shall have a look at the benefits checker. I went to the CAB towards the end of last year and didn't have much help but I will try again.
It's all so shit and I wish there was a way I could find out if it's the right decision long-term...

Can't help you with the legal stuff but just wanted to say that you and your children deserve better than this.

Children often learn by example - at the moment they see you being spoken to badly and accepting it. As they grow older, they may not develop respect for you. Life can be very unfair to those unjustly treated - the children will have loyalties to both parents and your apparent acceptance of his treatment could result in them victim blaming. Finding your self respect and getting out while they are still young will teach them that you matter as much as everybody else on this planet.

You need proper legal advice, not just CAB.

As you start the process of separation and divorce you will be able to force him to move or sell the house, although I understand you may not afford it now.

Check for emotional abuse and if you can get legal aid. DV is not just physical violence. But you may need to gather evidence of abuse somehow. Maybe from Relate records?