Seperating when you're in serious debt.

[paperchaser]

So we've made the decision to split. Emotional stuff is here Telling him was the worst bit now we're down to the practicallities.

We're 30K in debt, rent our home from a HA, have a 4 year old autistic DS together, no savings and he's got no family to help him out with a place to stay. All debts are in his name, so not sure if I'm legally responsible, but morally it's still my obligation to help him out. I'm not working at the moment, but will be in September when DS goes to full time school. I can claim HB and apply for maintenance through the CSA. I'm going to write down all our debts and get current balances, take them to CAB and see what they say. Does that sound like the right thing to do? DP is still here at the moment but is staying out all day and sleeping is DS's room. I've told him that he can stay as long as he needs to but that I'd prefer him to be gone within 2 weeks.

Not sure if I'm making any sense here. What I'm asking is how does it work when you have debts that are manageable together, but unmanageable living apart? Would like to avoid bakruptcy if possible, but is there an alternative?

TIA

Anyone?

cab is the right way to do. Cant give you much advice. sorry hope things work out

www.cccs.co.uk

The Consumer Credit Counselling service are a charity who may be able to offer you further advice and assistance. The website is posted above.

You can make arrangements with creditors to pay less. You can get a company to do the work for you. (be careful which one you use,and they don't charge you).
Why would you like bankruptcy to be avoided ?
Your best place to start is CAB.

Contact payplan . They are very helpful. Tell them you are separating and want to split the liability into something that is managable. And tell them you very much wish to avoid bankruptcy.

Payplan is a debt management company. I would not use such a firm in your circumstances.

Use CAB or CCCS (particularly them as they are a charitable organisation and not a debt management firm) instead.

The other chartiable organisation I'd look at is the National Debtline.

www.nationaldebtline.co.uk

At all costs stay away from the commercially based debt management firms.

Actually CAB recommend Payplan as being the most responsible and least expensive debt management company.

As you are not married and the debts are in his name, you do not have any legal responsibility for them. I understand that you feel you have a moral responsibility though. Does dp work? What will be the difference in your earning potentials once you return to work, bearing in mind that you will have ds to care for?

Have you considered an IVA - individual voluntary arrangement?

Payplan is free. They will liase with the creditors and establish an affordable repayment plan. They won't leave you with a lot of extra money, but they will leave you with enough to live on.

However, I completely agree with the point that it really isn't in your interest to take on his debts, especially when you will have to support your sin and a house of your own soon. I mean, how can you afford that? Your priorities should be with your home. Are you expecting him to give you maintenance? Child support? And how is this all going to work with the elimination of the CSA?

Did I say sin??? I meant son.

For IVA you have to have assets of £4000. and if you miss one payment they will make you bankrupt. Dh and I went bankrupt in feb and it was the best thing we ever did. (took us along time to decide to do it. We were very scared)
Do you own your own home or is it rented ? If you want any info on bankruptcy then I can tell you what happened in our case.

Thanks for all your links and advice. Sorry it's taken me so long to to say that. I've just been overwhelmed with all the emotional stuff.

I have the debt list finalised now and tomorrow DP and I will go through all your suggestions and try to find the best option for us. He's adamant that he wants to avoid bankruptcy (feels like he's failed at everything) so hopefully we can sort something out.

Freckle - thanks for mentioning IVA - I couldn't remember what it was called. Still not sure how it works or if it's suitable for us but we'll look into it tomorrow.

Uwila - God, I've no idea how it's going to work out really. I'm more for seperating than he is and I just wish that I could be solely responsible for the mess that I'm creating. Realistically I will have to claim benefits for the first few months until I'm back to work and as I understand it the CSA's involvement is automatic. Is the system changing? What I want to do is hold my hands up and say 'don't punish him, it's all my fault', but I don't think his creditors would care really.

Anniemac - Interesting about the CSA. I didn't know they took debts into consideration. I'm honestly not trying to get full maintenance out of him, but if I understand it correctly I won't have any choice but to involve the CSA, and if I'm on benefits it will be deducted anyway, so, at least unitl I'm back at work it makes no difference to me whether he pays through them or not. Shit, I feel like a freeloader now saying that.

Heavenis - I don't think DP will go br unless he has no other option. If we do take that route I'll let you know. Thanks for offering your help

Go to the CSA about maintenance, definately. Also call the CCCS about debts. They are a charity so wont charge you for their services, ever. I had over £20k of debt, shagged credit history so couldn't even get a mobile phone, let alone a mobile. CCCS are very good at getting you manageable payments and they deal with creditors for you.

They were recommended by CAB too.

Good luck.

HD - thanks for that. How much were the repayments after the CCCS got involved? I don't have the details to hand at the moment but I think DP is paying about £500 pcm which won't be possible once he moves out. Also, what happened to interest and default charges? Were they frozen or something? Were any of the debts written off at all?

Thanks

we joined the cccs our debts come to about 18k and we pay £35 a month its well worth joining them

Payments before CCCS were around the £500-£600 mark. After, around £150. Interest was frozen. Because the CCCS are a charity and don't charge, the Creditors are happy to deal with them. They don't like the companies that charge as they view the money you pay the admin as money that go towards your debts. CCCS are definately worth a go. You do have to stick to their plan though, if you try to get more credit they will drop you.

Thanks Nuttymum and Happydad. I must get on with sorting this out.