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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Does having a stbxh ever get any easier?

1 reply

SheerWill · 11/01/2014 10:49

Just waved goodbye to my ds for a fab weekend with his daddy and his girlfriend. I'm not even the slightest bit interested in being in a relationship with stbxh as I remember very vividly how unhappy I was for years, but it's just so sad seeing another woman holding my little boy, putting him into his car seat and driving away for a weekend of fun while I sit in my study planning another week of lessons (we're having a pre-ofsted inspection so all hands to the pump next week).

I have a lovely dp who we live with and who is a much better father figure to ds than stbxh, as he actually spends time with us rather than working all the time. I no longer feel like a single parent living with a lodger, but part of an equal partnership. I love ds to bits and he is so much more patient, loving and caring than any previous partner has ever been.

But is was ds birthday this week and stbxh is having a party for him on Sunday with all his family - something I would have been involved in only a few years ago. He's now taken ds off to a soft play centre to have fun. I feel like stbxh swans in every other weekend to do amazing fun things, spends a lot of money on ds (he has only just turned 4 and got his own ipad mini for xmas, something I could never afford) and I do all the day to day stuff. He didn't spend any time with us when we were together and now I see he spends real quality time with ds, which I'm really happy about, but I'm not there, some other woman is. I'm not jealous of her relationship with stbxh because I remember how hideous the snoring was and how he couldn't find his way around my body with a map and a compass. but I am jealous of his ability to be this super hero that gets to swoop in and be fantastic for all of a weekend, then fly away again to live a normal life without school runs etc.

Sorry for the rant, I just wondered if anyone else felt like this every time the dc go away with exps. It still kills me inside everytime. :-( Maybe I should just stop procrastinating and get some work done ...

OP posts:
Blondeorbrunette · 11/01/2014 11:15

You sound like a lovely mum op.

Your son will know that you loved him and gave him your best, believe me.

All of the iPad minis in the world will never make up for my mother not being there when I was growing up.

Whenever I had a problem, I always turned to my dad as he was the one that did the day to day stuff.

Your little boy is getting all he needs from you and only you will ever be his mother.

No real advice, I just read your post and was imagining you sitting in your study feeling a bit sad. I hope not!

Best of luck with next week!

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