Step kids

[gracesmummy11]

How do I make my stepdaughter feel part of the family when she doesnt live with us

let her leave stuff at your house, and don't touch it

include her in days out, holidays etc

put up pictures of her in your house

also talk about all your DC including her so she feels like part of the family

basically everything my mother didn't do with me

Yes, don't pack her stuff away when she's not there.
Photos of her.
Pictures she's drawn put on the fridge.

Everything Bagpuss said really.

I've tried all that, I've a daughter too of a similar age and they have to share a room when she's here, its a fairly new relationship with her dad and me so I know she feels vulnerable. I just want her to be part of it all and not feel threatened by either myself or my daughter.

time really.

it's not going to be instant is it?

it sounds like you're doing the right things and mean well and hopefully she'll come to feel safe and more 'normal' about it all over time.

Be yourself, try not to overcompensate, force things or be seen to be making special efforts. Get to know her.. gently.

I hope so

I think its all a bit strange and new for all of us

we are all finding our feet

thanks for the advice it really helps to find I'm not completely doing the wrong things lol

I think time is the real answer !!

Yes to all the above.

And the other side of the coin: don't have lower expectations re behaviour than with your own daughter. Boundaries are a comfort to kids.