I think we all have the potential for violence and for EA.
However, some use it to control other people and feel justified in using it, or blame the other person.
Most of us check ourselves and stop as soon as we notice the behaviour and work on getting better.
Most EA victims report acting out of character, as I do, because what they go through is almost like torture and they don't see a way out.
I did scream at exH and slapped him once at the very beginning. He would hound me relentlessly though, even if I begged him to stop. Normally, I try to be reasonable, or walk away to regroup. I just couldn't with him.
The time I slapped him he then grabbed me by the throat. And he had, in other words, just called me a whore.
What I do know now is that I will not let anyone reach that stage with me. The first signs of similar behaviour and they're out.
The difference in the behaviours is how they are used. A victim will probably scream words like stop, listen, you're hurting me. An abuser will scream offensive words or threats. A victim will give a short hit or lash out physically with no intention of hurting. An abuser will aim to hurt or scare.
In either case, the victim should leave. It's the only healthy way.