Wwyd in this situation?? Will the abuse return?

[MoonshineWashingLine]

A little while ago I started this thread...
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1939572-DP-finally-going-to-GP-about-anger-issues-advice-needed

And things have changed somewhat since then but I don't really know what's happening or what i'm doing or anything really.

DP has realised the gravity of the situation and has really got his act together over the last few weeks. He has been helpful, loving, offering to do nice things for me, been great with DD and generally seems like what he was doing has finally hit home. He knows that if he gets angry and aggressive he is out. He is adamant he isn't going to be like that again. We have been getting on great, hanging out like we used to and enjoying each others company.

There are a couple of issues however... i don't feel like i can be intimate with him at all. He is aware of this and isn't coming on to me all the time like he used to. Also I just don't think I trust him any more. I still find him weirdly intimidating even when he is being normal. I feel like something has been lost, like something is now missing in our relationship and i can't get it back. It is definitely me with this problem, DP is trying his hardest to make me feel comfortable with him again and he would be devastated if we broke up, as would I, but what if I never feel comfortable again? How long does it take to trust someone again and is it even possible? And more importantly I am worried that this amazing change of character may not last. He is adamant that he knows for certain if he angry again it is the end. For absolute definite. I came so very close to ending it this time and he says its really opened his eyes to the harm he was doing and he admits he was taking me for granted and being very selfish.

Sorry for the long post, my head is a mess and i could do with some clarity!

Unfortunately I think he's put you off and you will need time and consistancy to trust him again in order to be intimate.
If it takes 6 months, so be it, he's going to have to deal with that and accept it. And that will show his true commitment, which in turn will make you more attracted to him.

Unfortunately, it may well be that he has destroyed something in you forever, and you may not ever feel that love or trust again.

But, before you make that decision, he has been like this for 2 years, that is a long time. You stayed with him for all of that time. If it takes you 2 years to trust him again is he willing to wait that long? If so, then he has truly changed. If not, then he hasn't. He put you through it, now he has to make up for it, no matter how long it takes.

That's a good way of thinking of it. I think I was so close to calling it a day I had sort of accepted it and now it's kind of threw me that we are still together. DD is bonding with him brilliantly at the moment as well and I'd hate to take that away from her.

All the other times he was angry I don't think I truly saw it for what it was but now I do. Before, we would always talk at length about his episode and he would apologise etc etc and we'd go right back to being 'normal' again a few days later. But this time it is lingering. I have never felt like this before and never thought I would feel like this with DP.

Its ironic, in my other thread I said I just wanted the man i fell in love with to come back and now it seems he's made an appearance again and I don't bloody feel right about it! Typical...

But he's not the man you fell in love with, that man was in illusion because there was an awful truth that you weren't aware of. You can't unknow that truth about him now. To become the man you fell in love with would mean that he would have to have deal with his issues and alter his behaviour to REALLY be the man you thought he was.

If only I could unknown it! I wish.

I just hope he is true to his word. I guess only time will tell.

Time will tell.
It may also help you to do the freedom programme and/or read Bancroft Lundy 'why does he do that'

also there are some link at the top of the EA thread on has he really changed.

I hope he has OP but even if he has you are not obliged to stay with him. you don't owe him simply for having the courtesy not to abuse you.

Get bit by a dog and you're always going to be wary around it. Stands to reason. I think what's happened here is that you set him the challenge of fixing his 'anger issues' or he's out of the door but that, in the process, you have made peace with the idea that life would actually be OK without him. You are therefore not only waiting for the next episode, you've also detached from him emotionally in preparation for the end.