So, my alcoholic brother is drinking again. Fighting back the tears.

[helpmehelpmybrother]

I posted a while ago about my brothers past alcoholism and his mental health and got some really great support, so, hope you dont mind me bringing it up again.
My mum took my db to the doctors as she was worried about his deteriorated mental health.
When he was there, he admitted he has started drinking again, about 6-8 cans a night.

He almost died through drink, he could be a bloody awful drunk. My head is spinning and I just cant process it at all. Hes been 'clean' for so long. The doctors worried about his kidney/liver function so hes to go in for tests next week.

You've got to be realistic I'm afraid. The prognosis is not good. Your DB is not going to make old bones if he carries on the same way and it won't be your fault or your parents'. Expect the worst and hope for the best. Good luck.

First of all, i'm sending a massive hug to you. I totally know how you feel, my brother was an alcoholic. I'm really sorry to say this but only your brother can help himself. He needs to understand what he is doing to his body and what the consequences are. Maybe the results of these tests may be a wake up call, it may be what he needs.

As horrible as this may sound, addicts are selfish. All they want it the next drink, drug, whatever the addiction is. But on the positive side, there has got to be something that changes them, that makes them realize what they are doing to themselves and their family.

hand to hold

sorry Op.
truly painful.

I hope he can come off the booze and stay well but if he does not/cannot you can know that you did all you could to help. You cannot make him better however much you love him.

OP I remember your thread. The fact that he admitted it is a good sign. Relapses are part of recovery (unfortunately) Did he go to AA or anything like that in the past ?

Hi, thanks for responses. He had counselling in the past to help. This is exactly what happened last time it scared him into quitting.
He apparently went back to the gp a while ago and said he wanted a drink and apparently the locum gp said the occasional one wont hurt him.
I dont really believe that. I believe he was trying to justify slipping.
Hardly slept last night. I cannot have my ds around him while hes drinking, that will devestate him, and may make it worse, what if it does? I feel so confused

Alcoholism - like other addictive/obsessional behaviours - is confusing. You can't possibly understand why someone would put alcohol before life, family, health, happiness etc. because you wouldn't make the same choices. You are also confused because you want to help and are realising you can't. Also, you want to blame your parents (if I remember rightly) and are probably realising that they have as little influence in all of this as you do.

He has decided what is important to him and you - even though it feels harsh, selfish, uncaring, whatever - have to set your own priorities.

I dont blame my parents at all cogito. I worry about my mother trying to cope with all this, and my father, when he was alive tried everything he could. I know itd his choice I just wish I could help him make better ones.

Sorry I didnt mean to sound so defensive there, Im just so tired and so confused.

The 3cs re alcoholism are ones you would do well to remember:-
You did not cause this
You cannot control this
You cannot cure this

Your brother's primary relationship is still with drink and there is nothing you or anyone else can do or say to him that will get him to change his mindset. HE has to be the one to seek help for himself and go to rehab; he has to be the one to want to do this and for him and he alone. He cannot seek help for your sake or anyone else's. Any attempts at getting him help (and from what you have written your mum certainly has taken him to the GP before now) without HE being the driving force behind same is doomed to failure.

Both you and your mother amongst others are as caught up in his alcoholism as he is and you have forgotten about yourself. Practically all of these types of posts revolve around the alcoholic and their behaviour and its the same here. You need to start thinking about you and how you can protect yourself more. You seriously need to detach and keep boundaries in place, basically you need to also get off the merry go around that is alcoholism. What you have tried to date has not worked and you must detach from this.

All you can do is help your own self; I would suggest that you contact Al-anon as they are very helpful to family members of problem drinkers.

Helpmehelpmybrother I'm so sorry your brother is drinking again. I can only agree with what others have said about your brother ultimately being the only one who can help himself and I hope that the liver/kidney function test may give him the boot up the bum he needs to stop again.

In my own experience just one drink is the start of an apparently gentle but terrifyingly compelling slide back into full blown addiction. That said I've heard of other drinkers being recommended approaches like keeping a drink diary by their GPs instead of sticking to abstinence so he may not be lying about that advice. That said us lot don't really need much of an "excuse" to pick up a drink; pretty much anything will do. As someone pointed out relapses can be part of the learning process on the way to a sustained recovery and I hope that's true for your brother as well as for me.

It's a bugger to get to grips with alone and for most people I think impossible. Will he try AA or Smart Recovery, or something online like Bright Eye Forum?

You're right you need to keep your DS away from him when he's pissed and if that devastates him, well he's the only person in a position to do anything about that.

Take care, look after yourself and your DS and I hope you can get a bit of rest and that your brother stops drinking again pdq.

I think he has been recommended AA but also referred for more counselling (he has underlying issues, poss. depression).
I just love him so much I wish I could help him but I know you are all right, theres nothing I can do, he has to help himself.
I dont know what Id do if I lost him.