Baby's father threatening to apply for residence order.

[hoobypickypicky]

I'm posting on the behalf of a friend, whose daughter is in bits with worry and who's come to me just as distressed herself. I'm fairly confident that the ex stands no chance but would like some reassurance please. I've changed the names of the people concerned of course.

Little Jack is just under a year old. He lives with his mum, Charlotte, who is just turned 19. Charlotte and his dad, David, have recently split up.

Some months ago Charlotte and Jack moved to Newtown with Charlotte's mum and younger siblings, to give and receive support to/from extended family. David remained in Oldtown where the couple had met and where he still works. The plan was that he would visit and stay over with Charlotte and Jack for a day or two a week and to the best of my knowledge that's what has happened until recently. Now that they've split up he's threatening to go to court for "access", as he puts it, and take Jack from Charlotte.

As far as I'm aware the following stand but please correct me if I'm wrong and/or add anything that Charlotte should know.

1. David's got a virtually nil chance of success in taking a baby away from his mum when mum's care is excellent and mum is well supported and where she is the primary carer.

1. He'll be granted access to Jack which is typically every other weekend and one overnight a week if the couple can't agree access themselves. (Charlotte isn't and has never to my knowledge refused David access).

1. David's being a controlling knobhead, this is one of the oldest tricks in the book and a form of emotional abuse towards Charlotte. Most men who threaten this don't go through with it and don't want it.

1. David, who is working, will have to pay to take any legal action or consult a solicitor over this.

And a couple more questions please:

A, Would mediation be suggested or insisted upon and does Charlotte need to be proactive here?

B. Or does Charlotte need to sit tight, smile, nod and ignore and let David consult a lawyer (if he chooses to) without doing anything herself?

C. If it turns out that seeing a solicitor is necessary can anyone tell me where Charlotte will stand re getting help with legal fees?She had just left college when she had Jack and so she's currently not working and is claiming welfare benefits.

TIA,

hooby

Court doesn't have to cost him a fortune. He can self represent and not need a solicitor.

If legal aid is used then mediation has to be attempted first

Are they the real names? If so, please report and ask MN to edit it. Off to read...

Oh whoops sorry just read further...

The answers to all your first questions are correct. There is no reason seemingly for jack to be removed from charlotte's care, so he won't be. Dad will get contact at a rate that reflects the status quo and what suits jack's needs.
A- yes, probably. She doesn't need to do anything now though, just coverage and not obstruct if this happens.
C- I don't know that one. I assume with the legal aid cuts she wouldn't get help but I don't know. Google might give that answer.

Thank you, that's all a big relief.

Since posting my questions I've found some info on residence applications and orders from (and a free helpline number for) Rights Of Women, which I've passed on to Charlotte and her mum.

I can't find a definitive answer to whether Charlotte would be eligible for legal aid but the main point seems to be 'sit back, let David make his ridiculous claims, ignore him until and if he makes an application for residence to the courts, in which case he will fail anyway'.

It's unlikely that she will qualify for llegal aid unless there is documented evidence of DV. AFAIK this can come from social service reports, womens aid etc.

But I would try and hold back from court proceedings if at all possible. I would encourage her to keep all communication to email, and focus solely on contacr arrangements. Make a reasonable suggestion about how to move contacr forward and ask for his thoughts. If his response is hostile, disengage and wait.

If the split is recent, emotions are high and feelings are raw. Hopefully the rawness will ease and they will be able to reach agreement.

Agree with the other posters. I would just add that in all Charlotte's correspondence with David, she should imagine that it might be one day produced in court. Hard when you're young and scared and emotions are riding high, but as much as she can she should keep the emotion out of her correspondence. Obviously I don't mean that a few highly emotional emails mean she'll lose her child, but it's still better to avoid if possible.

I can't imagine he'd ever win in court, but speaking as someone who is still going through it, it's long and expensive and emotionally difficult to be dragged through the court, even with no real prospect of losing your child. Anything that can be done to calm the situation down and come to a mutual agreement is a good thing (although with some personality types - I'm thinking of my ex - it's not going to happen).