What would you say

[Hithere123]

This may seem a strange none but bare with me...my not so DH left me after Xmas as he has been seeing someone else and is totally infatuated by her dispute the fact u am 25 weeks with our planned 3rd child. He has said things are progressing and he is basically living with her and wants to introduce her to my dc 6 and 20 months). I have said to him that I want to talk with her. Don't ask me why I just feel the need to do so. I suppose to confirm with her what me and h have agreed in terms of what will happen when baby is born and that I don't want any trouble. What would you say to a potential new gf to your ex if you had the chance. I just want to say I don't feel any an animosity toward her dispute her being the ow just really want to make sure she knows where she stands re my children.

First and foremost I would sort out all the financial aspects and make sure your ex does what he needs to do for you and the children. And I would not allow her to meet them any time at all in the near future. It will be very very confusing for them and they need to come first. What your ex wants is irrelevant really.

I think the reasonable thing is to give your dc plenty of time to adjust to the new situation.

That means IMO;

No meeting the new gf - who knows how long it will last and meeting the new gf will be terribly confusing for them.

Your h needs to build a relationship with them as a NRP that gives them confidence that although his love for you has changed his love for them has not.

Introducing his new gf at this stage will be difficult for them but it will also undermine the quality of his relationship with them.

I would not meet her. I would insist he work on being a father before he work on building a new family.

My abusive xp left me with 2 children, one was the result of him raping me after I found out he was seeing the woman he left me for. I initially banned her from being involved for all those reasons but once things settled down and she was evidently around for the long haul, interested (more interested than him) and responsible I was very happy for her to be around the dc and for them to be a family together when they had them.

You need to focus on what's best for dc. Meeting his new gf in these circs is not it, even if she turns out to be ok in the long run.

How can I realistically stop him introducing them if I don't want him to not be in contact with them? My dc love their daddy.

I'm sure they do, but if he won't agree to wait to introduce them then he isn't willing to put them first. If he is willing to cause then emotional harm, he shouldn't be in contact with them for a while. You seem very understanding towards a man who has treated you, and your children, appallingly. Both you, and they, deserve better than being forced to fit in with his new life.

Yes, if he won't protect them from emotional harm you have to protect them from him.

My ex took me to court for access after I did this very thing and got short shift in fact the magistrate said I'd never been obstructive to him having contact and him bringing the case was a waste of everyone's time and money.

You need to see it from the dc perspective and look out for their interests. They can't know what's best for them and yes they would be sad not to see them but better than being emotionally damaged and damaging their relationship with their father and/or you.

Lesser of two evils IMO

*not to see him