Overbearing or what...??

[MsCookies]

Ever since I became pregnant with my daughter (who is now 3) I felt as though I was having a surrogate child for my SIL.
For the past couple of years because of her strange behaviour and other reasons, my partner and I have steered clear off her. I also now have 5 month old son. He does nothing but smile and is a complete joy, but in her company he is very upset and cries alot. My daughter also behaves strangely in her company.
She always refers to our children as "her babies" and I just want to shout at her ... NO!! They are mine not yours. She has already had three children herself... all are grown up now 24, 18 and 16.
How do I make this stop? We thought distance might help her calm down but when we see her it is still the same. She always wants to have photos taken with them and its very odd. They never look happy in the photos... and it makes me literally grind my teeth! Help..

I have to ask why you continue to see her at all if she is making both you and your children feel so uncomfortable?. They are your children, not hers. You would not tolerate this from a friend, family are truly no different. You are not obliged to see such relatives at all.

What does your DH (as well as your brother) think of her?.

You cannot change someone else's behaviour, you can only change how you react to it. I would raise your own boundaries because they seem far too low and stop seeing SIL as of now.

I agree, don't let her upset your children. Don't see her or if you do, don't pander to the weirdness and photo requests.

My mil was like this.

The only way to stop it is to take a deep breath and tell her how you feel.

Have you talked to her about it? Or are you past that?

What does your dh say about it? Is this tapping into any family dynamics/ issues that exist already?

Btw my Ds reacts to my feelings about people, so I'm not sure whether your dc are feeling the tensions or reacting to her as a person? And actually I'm not sure it matters!