Really struggling with ex-mil

[deathbyexile]

Namechanged.

XP and I separated around 7 years ago, we have a 9yo DD. It was not an amicable split and his entire family, especially his dm, made my life rather unbearable. We ended up in Court which resulted in shared care of DD, completely equal, we were both considered to be adequate parents. A couple of years ago, we ended up in Court again - horrible experience which resulted in dd living with me and staying with her dad a couple of nights a week. This obviously didn't go down well with xp and his mother who had made countless referrals to SS about me (all malicious, unfounded and no action taken). However, we had reached the point of being civil, if not friendly, to one another. Until dd returned from a holiday with them. Apparently ex-mil has told her, out of the blue and amongst some other vile stuff, that I didn't want her when she was a baby and that she was taken away from me to live with her dad. It's so untrue and unfair, I feel like banging my head against a wall. I can't confront her because it would make things unpleasant for dd. I don't feel as though I can cope with this crap on and off for the rest of my life. What would you do?

Gold not heard of Gingerbread, will have a look into it, thank-you.

Its a very good idea to be one step ahead, death. When you're dealing with someone like this, the drip drip is subtle and before you know it, the situation can escape you with very sad consequences.

Having said that, things can blow over without too much trouble. But equally, the subtlety can work very well to cause an awful lot of trouble.

The only ways I've found of dealing with it are to 1) keep notes of incidents - it's amazing what the full picture builds up to be after a while 2) set the record straight when needed (yeah, not too big a thing, just saying how it really was then leaving it should do) and standing your ground, ideally without a fuss. Challenging what's been said, specially if it's face to face - calmly.

Good luck, it is great that your daughter is sensible

MIL may have in mind that DD is approaching 10, at which age she starts to be allowed legally to have a voice in where she stays. Expect it to step up as time goes on - emotional blackmail, bribery, other dirty tricks. You are wise to pre-empt such behaviour.

The funny thing is that it is not you but your ex who lost some parental contact, so they're telling the truth backwards (or, to use a technical term, bare-faced lying).