reluctant to post but here goes

[tiamariaxxx]

Other halfs ex grrrr. Ok so everytime ive posted relationship problems in the past either my OH is made out to be some sort of mega arse hole or i sound childish, i cant really talk to anyone about i know i just feel uncomfortable especially as everyone knows everyone sort of thing so here goes hoping i can get it off my chest.

Ok so 8 years ago just before i met him he was seeing some girl for around 8 weeks its never sounded like it was ever serious and ended because she apparently kept throwing herself at other guys and he says he just wasnt into her anyway... Apparently a bit after they broke up she said she was pregnant and was wanting to get back with him its all a bit hazey on my part what went on but he did get back with her for a little bit and then found out she had slept with someone else just before they split up first time. Cut along story short he ended it and a few days before they were due to go for 12 week scan she m/c. When i first met him he told me what had gone on and that he suspected she lied about been pregnant to get back with him and if she was he thinks there would be a great chance it wasnt his - I can only go on this really as far as im concerned it is in the past weve got our family and shes got hers.

BUT she seems to want to be friends with us, unfortunately she lives not a million miles from us and often bump into her we have mutual friends and id been on a night out a few times with her years ago but other than that we have no reason to be friends, nothing against her i just dont understand why she would want to. OH works for the council and hes always out and about doing jobs and a few times shes collared him on her street. He said hes pleasent to her cos hes got to when working but thats as far as it goes, but she sent him a friend request a couple yeasrs ago on fb and when he ignored her started messaging him just asking how he was etc, so he blocked her. I saw the message and there was nothing funny in it just pleasentrys, IMO OH wasnt encouraging her or anything he just said were ok thanks. That was literally it.

Last night i commented on a mutual friends status, on the status i then had her asking me how OH and i was i was polite and said were ok etc, i then had a friend request off her, i neither accepted or declined i just opened it so she would see pending request. Then had a message from her trying to make small talk over someone we know whos just had a baby. Again polite and thought that would be it and she replied again wanting to know if my OH had blocked her he blocked her ages ago and shes only just noticed maybe i dont know, she asked if i was accepting and i said no sorry its nothing personal but its not appropriate considering what went on with the 2 of you. And she said well its just because we have a bond over our baby we lost... I didnt know what to say really i just said i know and im sorry but its in the past and she just said ok.

I mean why is she so keen? She has a partner of her own. Fed up of the past coming back and bugging us feel like moving away some times if its not ex lovers stirring it its 2 faced stirring friends :( (not just OHs).

Im not really looking for advice like i said just a big rant. Ive actually blocked her which may be a bit awkward when next time bump into her but why cant she leave things in past seriously

Some people are obsessional and/or have very dull lives that they have to spice up with daft ideas, romances and other delusions. Some are lonely. Some are a bit thick and don't take no for an answer. You've both made the mistake of being polite to her which she's interpreting as encouragement. There is no bond over the lost baby. Block, ignore, de-Facebook, blank in the street and, with any luck, she'll leave you alone.

I know im too nice for my own good :( I must say when ive seen her out shopping with my OH a couple times she will say hi and i smile at her or say hi and he will walk off or something then tell me off for smiling at her :/

Seriously considering getting rid of fb but got loads of pictures on their i dont want to loose, weve considered a joint fb but i think thats a bit sad.

I don't use FB much but I'd have thought all you have to do is up your privacy settings, block this person and limit everything to genuine friends.

Well I'd say you did the right thing as far as being honest with this woman, but I have to say I don't think much of your partner's actions as regards the pregnancy.

He had unprotected sex with someone he claims he wasn't that into and then accused of her lying about her pregnancy to get back with him?

The whole way he speaks about her 'throwing herself at other guys' made me bristle I'm afraid.

I can't imagine a bloke who speaks like that about women would be an especially egalitarian partner, so I'm not surprised other posters have criticised him if you've had other posts or threads. I don't remember being on them though if you've used this name.

Yer true, I keep having to fiddle about with privacy settings think they keep changing :/

Ok well this is why I didn't wanna post but just had get it off my chest. I'm sure he could of done things differently but end of day this was 8 years ago I wasn't their so I try my best not to critisise, all I know he's a totally different person now. I got pregnant with our eldest around 18 months after this happened with the other girl and things couldn't be anymore different, he's never shyed away from responsibility or anything we've gone on to have 4 kids together and I couldn't ask for a better father for them

Block and ignore her. She sounds bored and it isn't ypur job to entertain her.

Yes she is blocked by us both now. Just a shame can't block her from been in morrisons when we are :/. I just don't understand why she wants to be our friend. She has evwn introduced us in morrisons car park to her dp wtf

Yes she is blocked by us both now. Just a shame can't block her from been in morrisons when we are :/. I just don't understand why she wants to be our friend. She has evwn introduced us in morrisons car park to her dp wtf

The 'bond' seems somewhat delusional on her part. It was something that happened (or didn't) but there is no bond as far as your DP is concerned and it takes two for there to be one. I think you've played it about right in only engaging at the minimum in a very non-commital way and now blocking her. Either she is entirely harmless and you are not friends with her because you don't want to be which is entirely your prerogative or you're taking sensible steps to avoid someone who could be stalkery and meddlesome in which case non-engagement is the correct way to go.

Try not to let her take up headspace.

Exactly! I think she is harmless but I would rather it left in past for all our sakes. I just find it eassier to be pleaent to somone and give a little smile

I understand you were reluctant to post. I'm not going to talk too much about your other threads, which I remember well because they were so recent, because it's considered bad form on MN.
However, given your posting history about your relationship, in such a short time on MN, it's apparent that there are multiple problems in your relationship and have been right from the start. You may feel like he's a good dad and it's clear that you love him, but to us as outsiders there are problems. That's probably why you feel like DH has had a rough ride here.
I don't think the problem on this thread can be isolated, bearing in mind the other issues.
However, all you can do for this situation is pretty much what has already been said, don't let her take up too much headspace. And don't engage with her on social media.

Thank you for your honest opinion. I'm not going to sit here defending him nor am I going to sit here putting him down as far as I'm concerned the only problems in our relationship is the past. As previously mentioned in other post we never fall out or argue unless its to do with what's gone on in the past (talking 7-8 years ago) so I guess the problem lies more with me than the relationship.

Agree with peekska and whilst I'm sorry you feel reluctant to post, understand you love him and don't feel the opinions on the other threads are correct but I really would like you to consider them a little bit more.

You're choosing to come back here for advice despite not agreeing with the previous advice and being reluctant to post which to me suggests you might be willing to listen a bit?

I'm not sure, and I don't think you can be, based on the other threads, that he hasn't had conversations with her that encouraged her to think they had a special bond over the baby and that that is why she's being persistent.

I havent come on for advice like i said i wanted to have a rant. I understand nobody on here knows us so obviously your going to think what you do, i would 100% do the same.

I respect all critism and your words i know its nothing personal. Like ive said already i dont personally know for sure whats gone on between them i only have his word, as far as im concerned its in the past i never ask him anything about her or others but hes usually quite open with things, he could well be lying i know but i cant go and accuse him just on a whim.

I just wish i was a bit more carefree, ive never been innocent ive done stupid things when i was young and stupid and it doesnt seem to be a an issue with him which makes me think the problem lies with me and my insecurities (and i am very insecure) but i always have been from a very young age