Should lack of relationship experience ring alarm bells?

[theeverydaydancer]

My friend has recently met someone through work who she has a bit of a crush on who, at 35, his longest relationship to date has lasted 6 months. To me, 6 months isn't enough to really constitute a relationship. I think to get to 35 and not have had a significant relationship suggests "ishoos". He has a child with a woman who had a brief fling with, and by all accounts he doesn't speak too highly of her, claiming she lied about being on the pill.

The guy in question has lots of friends though, is very sociable in that respect.

I'm quite about it, I think these are all red flags. What do others think?

Yeah I agree.

Particularly the badmouthing of the ex, and the 'lied about being on the pill' line - apparently he can't take responsibility for his own dick.

What kind of men is your friend usually attracted to? Bad boys, waifs and strays that she can mother?

He does sound like he is not very mature (badmouthing the mother of his child) or stable relationship material. But perhaps that is part of the attraction, if she herself is not in a place where she can offer stable commitment either.

Just a thought, I could be way off.

Either way, you can't really interfere in your friends' love lives. Let this friend make her own choices, her own mistakes as the case may be, and learn whatever it is she needs to learn from them.

Being charitable, not having had a sustained relationship could make him simply unlucky, but badmouthing/blaming the ex is not a pleasant trait IME. I wonder what kind of relationship he has with his DC. Hope it works out for your friend - expect she doesn't agree with your assessment. :)

I agree, I wouldn't even contemplate going on a date with this guy. But as has been previously said, it depends what her default type is.

Has she actually been out with him yet? He's told her a hell of a lot of personal stuff in a short space of time hasn't he...

For me his relatively short relationship history wouldn't be nearly as much of an issue as his badmouthing of the ex.

Some people are "late bloomers", some people are incredibly picky or unlucky. 35 is quite old to never have had a special relationship but its not of itself suspect.

Its the fact that he has said bad stuff to your ex who he presumably doesn't know that well yet about the mother of his child that's the red flag for me...

I think she has got to know him sociably through work nights and friends of friends etc. She said she thinks he's quite nice but is not too sure about him. She actually agrees with me that this lack of relationship experience is a bit off putting and says although there is a chemistry between them she has not acted on it yet because of these issues. I think both lack of relationships AND the badmouthing of the mother of his child are both red flags and i would run a mile.

I think these are all red flags

I should clarify - my 'I agree' was in response to this - not solely to the 'lack of relationship' issue.

A good friend of mine is with a guy who had no major relationship history before the age of 35 - ie she was his first long term partner.
He is a high-achieving uber-geek who put work and career first until he felt he had established himself. He's an excellent partner - but then he has never slagged off an ex, nor has a child to support.

My current bf is 40 and has very limited relationship experience. Having been with him about 7 months now I honestly can't find a single red flag though, he's utterly lovely through and through. I think it's just the result of shyness, social anxiety and bad luck/bad timing.

Badmouthing exes is never a good thing though