Divorcing

[unicornpop]

Hi there. My husband and I are getting divorced. we have a nearly 6 year old. it's all very business like and even though I instigated it I am in pieces. He suffers from depression and has been very difficult to live with.
Really what I'm looking for is support - any nuggets of helpful information or just that me and my son will be ok!
He moved out this morning. I think that's why I'm so down. In my heart I know I made the right decision but my head is questioning it.
Thx

Well done on making the decision, that was brave :)

Its normal to question the process as it goes along, you might have some guilt that you 'split the family up' or that you didn't give it a fair go. Just ignore these thoughts & certainly ignore anybody who tries to say anything negative to you.

You had good & valid reasons for instigating a divorce, don't lose sight of them/ You did the right thing, for you & for your child as well.

You will be fine & there will be a time when you look back & think, 'how did I live like that'. For now just concentrate on the practicalities & get the stuff done that needs to be done, its difficult to think objectively when you're in the middle of it.

Once you are at the stage in a relationship when you can clearly & calmly think, I want to divorce, then there is nothing left to be saved. He's had all of his chances & given his excuses & they were not good enough & still are not good enough now.

Stay strong

Oh unicorn This is all too raw. Just because you had the courage to end things does not mean it will not be painful. I ended my 20 year relationship after 20 years only just before Xmas
Keep focusing on your son. Some other Mnetters will be along soon to give advice. Keep strong.

Marking my place, divorcing too at my instigation (and ultimately due to my issue) and felt so relieved to have made the decision and know it is right but brain is unhelpfully throwing up all the good times and none of the bad and having moments of panic about the leap into the future as co parents rather than DH & DW (altho we have been little more than co parents under the same roof for years).

I was hit by an unexpected wall of sadness last week but know I need to just keep moving forward. We are in a strange limbo as he's house hunting and we have not told the kids so there's an odd 'carrying on as normal' thing going on and with the pressure not to stay together forever gone we are actually getting along better than we have in ages.

It is all surreal and odd, I know it will all get better and we will both be happier but that doesn't stop me having moments of sadness about the kids some of our family traditions/habits and stupid panics about things like 'who will kill the spiders now'. All who have been through it say this is normal, afterall we are not robots and it's a big thing.

Hopefully those out the other side of the divorce process will be along with some more wisdom and reassurance!

I'm sorry you're so down. Even when you know it's the right thing to do, it's still stressful. How long were you together? Takes a lot of adjustment getting used to being 'I' rather than 'us' but I think it helps to have something in the diary, make a few plans for the future... keep facing forward, basically, rather than getting too stuck on the what might have beens. Be kind to yourself, be with friends, do things that make you happy, and don't think you have to relentlessly plaster on a smile for your DS. Kids have a way of rising to the occasion if you let them and IME they're nowhere near as sentimental as adults.

Good luck

thanks for your messages. I don't wish misery on anybody but it does help to know other people are going through the same.
I have so much to be grateful for. I need to remember that (although I am going to give myself some grieving time).
Thanks all
x