Spoke to my mum on the phone and now I am down.

[Upcycled]

She answered the phone saying my sister's name and when she realised it was me, she let a slightly disappointed 'oh' out and an embarrassed half laughter...

Than se proceeded to ask what is going on, why I am calling?

I said that since we missed each other calls during the holiday seasons, I just wanted to call and chat but she didn't believe me and kept asking what was the problem (since I was born a loser of course).

She didn't ask much about my life and didn't make an effort for conversation, gave half arsed answers for my questions about people in the family. Then she decided the reception was bad and couldn't hear me, so conversation ended.

Her excuse is that, like myself, she hates talking on the phone...I just don't understand how she manages to talk to my sisters for hours on end.

Now I remember why I decided to live on the other side of the planet.

Lucky you! You live on the other side of the planet!
Well done - hope the weather s nice!

It must be hard to realise that you aren't the "favourite" to such a 'charming' woman? Maybe she feels that you are too different to her, and your sister is less work for her to figure out as she's similar?
Or,
Maybe she doesn't like herself, and thinks you are similar, so projects her dislike of herself onto you?

Please don't feel down about her.... She's not the boss of your moods.
Just concentrate on your own goals and achievements and be grateful for what you have.
Do you keep a journal?

Oh Venus, thank you so much.

She is on the side of the planet where the weather is nice at the moment.
I am over here but don't want to complain about the weather in London.

My sister knows she always has been the favourite (not only my mum's but my whole family) and she is struggling with this realisation much more than I am struggling with the fact I am second best (actually third because I also have a brother)

Apparently my sister suffers all kind of pressures to be perfect whilst I am just ignored.

She is doing her therapy at least. Me, I don't have money to afford such luxury.

No, I don't keep a journal.
Always afraid someone will find it.

After the stresses of the festive season what is more natural than to phone up your parent in the new year fora nice catch up? Sorry you are upset OP. If you are a parent yourself I expect you strive to make sure your DCs feel loved equally.

Oh yes donkey
I have only one child and never ever wanted another one.

I always thought I was weird but deeply inside, I had a feeling that I couldn't love any other subsequent child of mine as much as I love Dd so it wouldn't be fair on the other children.

Yesterday I understood why I made sure Dd is an only child and why I didn't want to have another one.
Fear of creating any favouritism.

Oh I really feel for you. I had a similar relationship with my mother. There was never any embarrassed laughter though just a straight "Oh God not you, I wanted your sister". It really cuts to the quick.

It's not your fault though. If you can't afford therapy could you afford to buy a few books on the subject. One I found really helpful is the Oliver James book "They F**k You Up: How to Survive Family Life". It gives an interesting view on how family scripts are written and how we all get cast in our individual roles - the black sheep, the lazy one, the golden child etc. Check it out on Amazon Here

Yesterday I understood why I made sure Dd is an only child and why I didn't want to have another one.
Fear of creating any favouritism.

Same here

oh IrishBlood it is hard, isn't it?

I wish I could have another baby sometimes.

But Dd is now nearly 7 the gap is too wide.

If I worked on my issues earlier made I could have get over the favouritism issues and had another child....

But we are happy and settled now, it is pointless.

How old are you? Too old to have another?

I don't think the age gap is necessarily a problem The book I linked to talks about birth order and age gaps between siblings and how these contribute to family scripts/roles and the individual neuroses that we carry into adult life. It says that gaps over 4 years are best as the older child is less likely to feel rejected.

My ds is 12 and I am mid-40s so I think it's definitely too late. Knowing what I know though, if I was mid-30s and ds was 7 I would probably go for it.

Looking on the bright side, I bet your experience has made you a thoughtful, unconditionally loving and supportive mother to your own daughter.

The book is now in my basket :)

I am nearly 37.
Don't think I am having another baby. We are settled. It is fine.

A part from the insensitive people always asking when the sibling is coming and how sad my only child's life is because she is an only.
If I only was brave enough to tell them to F*off.

Anyway, I am a very dedicated mum, who strive to encourage my daughter on the things she loves and accept her the way she is.

Luckily she also have an amazing dad that is fun to be around and loves her unconditionally. My dad was the opposite.

Glad you are getting the book! I hope it is useful. It has some encouraging stuff to say about only children. Fortunately, my dad was a lovely man just not around much due to work. He was an only child as is my DH and two more generous, outgoing and confident people you could not hope to meet. Onwards and upwards. Forget about your mum for now and focus on the good relationships you have made with dd and DH.

Maybe next time anyone ventures that opinion you can say in your experience quality not quantity mattered and you & DH got it right first time .

I'm a less favoured child too and I feel for you, it's awful to make an effort and be slapped down. What helps for me is reminding myself that this is my mother's issue, not mine. Good parents don't have favourite children - they may even choose to have only one to avoid that. Make the most of that other side of the planet dynamic!