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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Bonfire Heart - James blunt '' Relationships ..days like this says it all '

8 replies

stllmarriedstilltrying · 08/01/2014 21:55

It all started with that song over Xmas ,The song on the CD a present from my little darling daughter .. To Daddy Merry Xmas love x . While sorting out the garage just to keep out of the way ..to avoid any more arguments the tears flooded like southern rivers those poor people. Over the past few years the problems have started to surface .
My Wife lost the only real supporter except for yours truly 'OUR love was like a soldier loyal to you die' Then Grandad died . Having taken on the thankless task as executor her family torn into us in ways that no one would call human . But I was made to pay the price the will carried out to the letter in a professional manner. But my wife lost her family I began to lose my wife ,not a week goes by without me being reminded ..often just before the days end .For many years and many times ' I was putting out fires all my life' Their fires ! Their DEBT fires resolved twice .' Then you start getting tested .. 2nd health operation failed through no fault of the Consultant ,losing mobilty with a WRULD.loss of income .. taking early pension to survive as no benefits these days for anyone with a little in the ISA account ..now that's gone . The the screws begun to turn . make cuts to the family budget I asked .. no chance .. cut out the holidays . mobile phones . sky . extra school activities.. even turn of the lights when not in a room ..ask the kids to help in the garden ,wash & clean mums car .. all no chance.. As the song goes ''People like us dont need much' .. we had that spark for twenty years the last two the fire is going out ..And when you cant get that job.. the job centre advise sell your house ? even begging for that job pay to stop breaking your little darling's heart at XMAS . Now its 2014 so I need some ADVICE from Mums and Dads net .

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 08/01/2014 22:48

So what you're saying is that you've had a run of bad luck, ill health, family difficulties (over a will) & had to retire due to ill health which has led to money troubles and that all of these stresses and changes seem to have resulted in resentment and ill-feeling rather than the pair of you (and the kids) pulling together?

Other than 'being reminded' (blamed?) for the division in her family, have you and your wife talked about any of this? Would the pair of you consider counselling?

MrsFeathersword · 08/01/2014 23:03

Do your wife and kids know the full financial situation? I guess you may want to protect them from the truth but a serious talk might help. It sounds like your wife has had a rough time too - having her own family be so horrible to you both must have taken its toll. You may well be depressed, in need of some care yourself and some "normal" time for you and your dw. I'm not sure which is more helpful for you at the moment - emotional support or some practical steps to lighten the load.
You've survived a lot with your wife by the sound of it - don't let it beat you now.

stllmarriedstilltrying · 08/01/2014 23:09

Would love to try but counselling costs money,facts often distorted during conversations due to emotions & problems beyond my control. dw not really wanting to list to any one anymore .Tried most thing given up drinking in moderation .. havnt smoked in 30 years.

OP posts:
stllmarriedstilltrying · 08/01/2014 23:15

Cogito Never really sat down until today, reading some of the problems discussed on hear. so simple put Run of bad luck . will get back to some form of work soon as it seems I must have 10 years left in me not willing to lose 15 years of my hard graft .

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 08/01/2014 23:15

So are you saying the relationship has irretrievably broken down? You don't communicate at all? I don't understand 'problems beyond my control', sorry.

stllmarriedstilltrying · 08/01/2014 23:34

Cogito ..I saying I will & can resolve my problems in getting healthy & back into ,some form of work ,but sometimes the old life style is beyond my control as over fifty's workforce not wanted by many employers . Having in the past resolved many of my DW familys problems ie introduce her back into her real fathers life. stopped her spep father being arrested for attempted assult instead after kindly speaking to the police for some time in a clinic as suspected suffering a breaking down due to 2nd family pressure ie financial meltdown & resolve their problems you would think you would have gained some understaning from DW of current life family pressure ie control costs XMAS ect .

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 08/01/2014 23:51

Clearly DW is not happy at all. Unless you can extract from her exactly what it is that is making her so resentful you're not going to get anywhere. You keep mentioning the things you've done to resolve her family's problems but I don't get the impression that's particularly high on her priorities.

If I was in your DW's shoes with a sick husband, no money, being asked to make financial sacrifices and with the prospect of losing my home I'd be pretty stressed and ratty. If I had no family to turn to I'd feel even worse. You also sound very depressed FWIW. Everyone saying nothing isn't helping.

Buzzardbird · 09/01/2014 01:05

You both need to speak to your gp and see if you can get some counselling which might not cost you. Its not fair for you or your wife to be existing like this.

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