walls going up. help

[Legogalore]

I have been seeing somebody for a month.
We get along great and everything seems to be going smoothly.
Only the closer we are getting, i feel myself clamping up more and more.
I am not able to text him the way i was before, instead of actually conversing i seem to be not giving off very much to keep the conversation going.
I dont actually want the conversation to end. Yet i dont help it. I was able to before, so why not now?

I dont know what to do. Im worried im giving the impression i am losing interest, when that is not the case at all! I am falling for him. Could this be why i have started to find things difficult?

I am the same in person. I love being with him, and he does me but ive started clamping in person also.

Has anyone any advice as to why this is happening, and what i can do to make it better?

I don't know why this is happening, fear of rejection perhaps, but you can change. Choose to put a little warmth in your texts and choose to display more loving body language.
Fake it till you make it.

It could very well be a fear of rejection.
We havent actually had a talk as to where we stand with one another.
Although it is obvious (especially from him), that we enjoy being with one another and come across as wanting to be together.

I dont know if i can go any further actually. He is supposed to be coming round on friday but i cant take these feelings i am feeling.

Talk to him about how you feel.

I think that is the main problem, offred.

I think i need/want to talk to him about it. But that is where the fear of rejection comes in. Which in itself is stupid as he has given off every signal. Although, now i fear he is pulling away due to me!

It could be fear of rejection or it could be that the initial flush of attraction has already worn off. If you genuinely feared rejection I'd have thought you'd have pushed him away rather than get with him in the first place. Don't be too quick to dismiss your behaviour as some personal failing. Feelings are not always overt or rational. Even though you're telling yourself you get along great, you could be subconsciously unhappy about something and clamming up as a result.

I dont think i feel unhappy about anything. Other than not being 100% sure on where i stand.
But that is simply.down to the fact he hasnt told me. He has shown me in every which way.

I think i am expecting too much in such a short time.
I dont know if bringing it up to him is the only way forward.
If i dont, then my pulling away may ruin it all.

Would asking him "where are we going with this?" Be alright?
Can you tell im not used to this?
I dont want to seem pushy, but at the same time i dont want to be stuck in this limbo phase.

Not being sure where you stand is a perfectly legitimate reason to be questioning whether you want to get in deeper with someone. 'Where are we going with this' after only a month might be a little premature but, if you need to feel secure and you're currently feeling uncertain, why not?

Ultiimately IMHO you have to take the attitude that he's lucky to have you. Be yourself at all times, and if that means expecting a lot and risking being seen as 'pushy' then do it anyway. If he runs a mile he wasn't right for you.

You couldnt be more right with that really.
If hes not happy with me wanting to feel secure, and that would be me being myself. Then that does prove he isnt right for me.

However, i will try and relax a little more and at least see how friday goes. If i pluck up the courage to say something, then i will

Thank you

You say he's pulling away now and that's down to you... I wonder if you subconsciously picked up those signals that he was pulling away and actually, that's what's made you reticent about divulging your feelings to him.

Listen to your gut instinct, Legogalore, it's tell you something, I'm sure of it. Don't be so quick to dismiss what you think might be signals.

Im sure this is all my own insecurities. Im not sure if hes pulling away or im worrying he will, and so i am pulling away.

He has text today to say he has bought me a treat. He text lastnight telling me he got us a film for friday.

He doesnt and hasnt really given me anything to think hes pulling away, when i look at it all witj a clear head.

I need to learn how to just go with it and enjoy it for what it is. I need to stop worrying, thats what i need to do!!
The more i worry, the more distant i become, which is the root.to all of this ...i think. Worry!

lyingwitchinthewardrobe
I had a good think about what you have said, and others...also myself, tonight.

My gut has told me for a while now that he is very interested and wanting to take things further. The little treats he gets me, wanting to spend time with me, talking to me everyday. Everything he says and does points to that.

I think what has happened, is maybe now that i am getting the feelings i am getting scared of the whole relationship thing. As much as i want it, my walls are going up.
So i have jumped to the conclusion, that he is pulling away. Perhaps trying to build myself up for the rejection, if he isnt feeling how i am feeling.
Even though he clearly shows he is...or at least we are on the same page.

I hope that makes sense.
We have spoken tonight over text as he is at work. He text me as soon as his break started, right the way til he had to go back.
I dont think he would do that if he was pulling away.

Thank you for helping me calm down over this lol

That's good, LegoGalore. If you are feeling unsure about the speed of the relationship then you can slow it down. It sounds as if you're happy to talk to your partner about it and that is a very good thing.

You're massively over thinking this and appear to be suffering for. ' the madness '

I wouldn't talk to him about this - mainly because you've been dating for such a short time. You don't need to ask him where you stand - I'd find that really off putting . It's been a matter of weeks - no need to push this on is there?

Just try and relax. Enjoy it. Force yourself to respond to messages in an upbeat friendly way. You've everything to gain by being nice, chatty and pleasant and nothing to gain by being distant and off with him.