Really further to the thread about a gf who was being called 'careless' with her mini pill the other day.
I discussed it with my bf the last night and what became quickly apparent is a massive disparity in views.
My position is that every person is responsible for their own sexual health and fertility. In a new relationship you obviously don't know enough about your partner to make an accurate assessment of risks to sexual health or of pregnancy and that, should I choose to take a risk over either of those things the consequences are my responsibility.
Not wearing a condom equals a risk of pregnancy (and STIs). That risk may be acceptable to a man in certain circumstances such as if their partner is taking hormonal contraception and they have a high degree of trust both in that hormonal contraception and in their partner to take it effectively.
This I think initial choices extrapolate to more established relationships too in that they will determine regular practices.
In my current relationship we very quickly moved from condoms to depo because I found the risk of pregnancy using condoms in this particular situation unacceptable. Obviously I'm aware that left me with a risk of STI's but I'd never think of blaming my bf if it became apparent that I'd caught one or if I accidentally got pregnant because I'd made considered choices over both of those risks.
He however relies on trusting me to make a choice that protects him from pregnancy and trusting that I don't have any STIs. This is his usual attitude and he believes it is cynical to not trust your partner to take contraceptives that protect you both.
I don't think, from speaking to him, he understands the efficacy of different types of female contraceptive methods and that 'trusting' that you are protected from pregnancy because your partner says they are on contraception without taking any further interest in it is quite passive, an abdication of your responsibility to yourself and quite risky if you have very strong feelings about pregnancy/STIs.
Obviously there are occasional women who genuinely do deliberately mislead their partners over their contraceptive use in order to engineer a pregnancy. There is also a grey area where women are using contraceptives but less effectively than would be counted as perfect use maybe because to them contraceptives are not an absolute priority in their particular situations or because they are not aware they are not using them perfectly. Then there are women who are taking contraceptives in a way that counts as perfect use statistically - for example if I had my injection at 13 weeks, but may cause their partner worry if he knew.
If pregnancy results when a man chooses not to wear a condom I really feel he needs to take appropriate responsibility for that in that he knows he has not worn a condom and therefore pregnancy may result. I find the idea of being trapped into pregnancy very offensive, less so when it is by being deliberately mislead over contraception but much more so when the man has abdicated any responsibility for making an informed choice about his own fertility/sexual health and is relying only on trust.
Trust is lovely and necessary in a relationship but it is not a contraceptive and if you, male or female, choose to place your trust in your partner and take no precautions yourself you need to be prepared to accept an appropriate level of responsibility for ALL the results of that.
It has really made me think about how I'm going to educate my boys about contraception.