Does it matter to you how much your partner earns?

[brusslesprout]

Not wanting to start a debate or anything like that just a general musing really if this is a really important factor for everyone?

I wonder when looking at the bigger picture does it make the relationship better/easier?

My bf doesn't earn much which bothers me a little sometimes but on the same merit has no debts or bad spending habits as he's always had to be careful.

Growing up my Dad had quite a well paid job but isn't too good with money so still is in a lot of debt when he should be relaxing into retirement.

So yes does it matter in the grand scheme of things?

Also, there are numerous threads on here when the husband works in the sort of hours or job role, that would be very difficult to achieve unless the wife was willing to be a SABMiller, so in my view, she is making an equal contribution to the household.

I also agree that making sure you have a career in order to be interesting company at hubby's work parties is utterly cringe worthy.

This thread is a sad state of affairs.... To bang on about how much your other half earns and all this being 'kept'. Makes my blood boil. Since when do women define themselves by their partners salary... Circa thirty years ago at least. Has the world not moved on?

Gosh, of course.

I have nothing against women (or men) who decide to stay at home because it makes financial sense to take care of the children or to do work that enables their husbands to earn more than they would if both worked. This contribution is recognised for example in divorce proceedings.

I do have against people who are or consider themselves as being kept and do very little in the way of contribution. Men or women.

Who the heck do you think you are young lady?

I wish you well and hope you will be very happy.

This sahm is interesting to me. My mum was one for 8 years and we didn't have a pot to piss in.

I can see the real benefit of being a SAHM for the years your children are still at home. After that it's not really a full time job is it?

I know a sahm who has a cleaner and both kids are at high school......surely it's better to just say I choose not to
work as I don't need to financially rather than trying to justify your contribution.

Tbh the comment about being interesting for your dh company party is hilarious.
The most boring women I know are the ones with the career who are out of touch with reality and are sooooo boring yawn yawn. I think I'd have shot myself if all I had to look forward to was work for somebody else, day in day out. Nothing new just same old.

Wit and charm eh? Lovely, lots of money and very little class from the sound of it.

"fanjolodger
that's so offensive."

Its just the opposite of a term used for men all the time on here so acceptable for a male but not a female. Women are told not to stand for it so again double standards.

I cant think of any job the man can do where the women cannot work because of it. Its very easy for other person to get a normal hours job and use childcare. Millions of couples have two workinh adults i would imagine.

Its not a nice thought that our sons will purely be judged on their salary by some women so that they need not work. No wonder some MIL's dislike their DIL's.

maleview

contribution to what?

Contribution to the family. What is staying at home doing nothing achieving when the kids are 14 and 16 and out of the house from 8-5?

I have a friend who spends her days riding her horse! She admits that it is a lifestyle choice because her husband earns enough to run 5 households.

I am just saying there is no need to try and justify your role if your husband earns enough and you choose to
Stay at home. It's choice.

If my wife earned enough I would happily stay at home and wouldnt try to justify it.

Maleview

Thank you for the clarification, I wasn't sure what you meant.
Yes, we all make our own lifestyle choices. There are some though who think that only a chosen few get to make choices, I find this bizarre.

Ah Male I love the simplistic 'no need to justify your role' - you haven't been on MN long, have you?

Anyone with sons, keep your knickers tangle free; we've previously discussed how you can also tell your boys they can be SAHD's and marry a high earning career driven lady (or one with inherited wealth) so they can also have a balanced choice.

Interesting althought slightly depressing thred. Made me think of a discussion I had over Christmas - young man, soon to graduate and ambitious, just split up with his long-term girlfriend. GF's family, well-paid professional city man & SAH wife - both children at uni. GF saw that set up as normal, why wouldn't she, it's normal to her. But the young man and his friends, all with working professional mothers, saw the lack of work ethic /ambition / responsibility for being an equal (or fairly equal) financial partner in the young woman as a real turn-off.

I don't think anybody should have to justify their choices to anyone, but agree with Lion sometimes there are some really horrible posts that ask or almost demand you do. I have fallen a few times for these, I don't engage now.

LadyLapsang

Good job they split when they did. incompatibility doesn't make for a good relationship.
I am a long term sahm however, I have plenty of ambition, work ethic and responsibility for being equal financially. you don't have to work to achieve these.

Puddles, your last post to NeartheWindmill was deeply unpleasant. The only word you forgot to use was 'pleb'. Despite all your privilege, you are not that different from an alleycat when cornered.

Lweji - do people really do that though? Not many surely.

Do people do what?
Stay at home taking care of children?
Or stay at home and do very little?
There are people in both camps.

Who the heck do you think you are young lady?
Was that to me? Surely not, as I'm hardly a young lady. But thanks for thinking I'm young.

I'm mostly amused by the people who think "fangolodger" is directed at them.
If you think you are a target... then you probably are one.
If you think what you do at home is valuable, then why be upset and think it's aimed at you?

Who am I kidding, I'm happy living alone and probably shouldn't have even commented on this thread without a DH!

No to Puddles lweji.

am I too late to join in? and haven't read it all...
It didn't used to matter. But when now XH discovered that he could 'support me' in my career (ie sit on his arse and live off me) it did.

And it matters even more now that we're sorting finances and he's entitled to the bulk of what we've built up, even though I'm wholly responsible for DD.

Just saying.

NoRegrets78 did you work full time? Was your ex a SAHD?

Znaika... that must have been terribly hard for you but it sounds like you have provided a good life for your DD so much credit to you.

I remember my first pay packet I bought my Mum some flowers and my Dad a CD.. I was chuffed haha!

Znaiker sorry to hear of your loss.
I've done internet dating too (reminds anyone in this situation not to post anything about having own house/independently wealthy etc, for safety purposes) but the men who are interested usually can't spell and use text speak, sadly. Now THAT I do mind in a potential DH Maybe I should have put my career as neuroscientist to get a speller hooked...

Brussels yes I've always worked FT apart from maternity leave. H refused jobs for every reason under the sun, while DD was in nursery, and did nothing around the house. I wouldn't describe him as a SAHD.

Have now read a bit more so hopefully I'm not in for a flaming...

Each to their own etc. but with the benefit of hindsight I wish I'd seen the warning signs earlier, and protected myself better.

Going forward - his attitude to work, and ability to be self sufficient will sadly be high on my priority list.