still heartbroken what do i do?

[pammie81]

Hi everyone really need some advice me and my babys dad broke up over 6 months ago now,well he left after a series of long arguements he was doing things on the internet he shouldnt have basically and i found out forgave him a few times hearing all his stupid excuses but the last time i found out he turned it all on me it was my fault i kept snooping etc etc he treated me horribly the week before he left then i finally exploded and had the mother of all rows with him he left and hasnt looked back,recently ive found out he has a new girlfriend which hes denying he got with until we split but i really dont trust a thing he says,he sees his daughter once a week but im finding it so hard to deal with how could someone who says he loved me treat me so harshly all he says is were not together and i see our daughter whats your problem but i just want him to admit that he was wrong and apologise to me at the very least,sorry for rant

'I love you' is one of the most misused phrases in the English language. 'I love you' got him what he wanted at the time. Now he wants something else. Judge someone by their actions, not their words. It is painful to be rejected but, since you're not going to get answers or apologies, you have to put him in the past, look after #1, take pride in your DD and get on with living life on your terms.

thanks for your reply,ive been trying for 6 months now to get on with it and i know now i'll be waiting forever for an apology but its just really got to me that someone can be so heartless and not even care how im feeling

That's life I'm afraid and you can't make someone like you if they don't care. How long were you together before you had your baby? How well did you really know him?

Oh love, what a horrible twat he is and what a rough time you've had.

I don't think someone like this is ever going to admit that they're wrong and apologise. He's not the person you thought he was, and that's all there is to it. Words are cheap, and some people just reel out the "I love yous" while behaving appallingly.

Looking back, were there any signs that he wasn't a particularly nice guy? Was he loving, respectful, did he do his share with your daughter and running the household etc?

Needless to say him blaming you for snooping is a crock of shite to distract attention from his far, far worse behaviour. And I think you are right not to believe a word he says. Have you had an STI check?

The only way forward is to make handovers of your DD businesslike and not to get into conversations with him - about his new gf or anything else. Focus all your energies in your DD and making yourself a better life.

We wereonly together 6 months before i got pregnant was abit of a whirlwind romance really but he was lovely and caring at the start,we were together 3 and a half years all in all,when i had my daughter i suffered with bad pnd and he wasnt the best at making me feel better he always had something else worse going on in his life or probems etc to take it off me and make it all about him so i let it go to the back of my mind and got on with it dont think i ever really managed to get rid of it completely havent really had enough support,didnt cross my mind to have sti check will have to get that done

I haven't got a baby with my XP but he has offered no explanation for the way he treated me when we split up. It is so hard to have no closure and especially hard for you as you still have to see him because of your DB. CES is right, you can't make someone like you, love you or behave the way you want them to behave when quite evidently they don't feel the things you feel/felt for them. You are wasting your energy trying and the only thing I can suggest is that you throw yourself into caring for your DB, which I am sure you are, the people who deserve your energy and living your life. There is no other option because the alternative is wasting your energy thinking about someone who really does not deserve it and will probably not change.

Be strong and make sure you keep busy and limit the amount of headspace you give to him. One thing that helped me was writing down everything I felt, much like a letter but one that I did not send, and I do reread it. At first I read it every time I was at the computer, then every day and now I haven't read it for a couple of days (we only split fairly recently) and even now I can see that my thoughts on the matter are moving from the raw hurt in the immediate days following our breakup to acceptance and that some of the things I thought I felt was just the hurt I felt about him being an arse and not something I am feeling anymore.

i'm sorry you've had to go through difficult break up too its not nice feeling heartbroken and have had it in the past but never had to deal with seeing them again but have no choice this time,my daughter is the reason i get up every morning she means everything to me so glad i have her in my life

I am in the process of going through something very similar. Just wishing you the best and also just to add closure is an over-used word. Sometimes people are just selfish bastards and there's not much point dwelling on it. Hard to do, but this bears repeating.

Ex was an utter dick and did some bizarre and terrible things at the end. Understandably, I wanted answers but ex was someone who avoided responsibility and who cast himself as the victim, so the likelihood any truthful answers coming from his mouth was very slim.

However I was in the relationship too, there was more than enough information for me to come to my own conclusions on why he did what he did. Some people are so self absorbed that they will do and say anything if it benefits them and it doesn't matter if this is at someone else's expense. Let it go and detach from this fool and be thankful that your exposure to this creep is now limited.