Too afraid to ever get married

[MamaPingu]

Sometimes I feel like getting married would be wonderful and I can't wait. Then I come back down to earth and these nagging feelings start again.

I'm terrified of getting married because I'm scared of getting cheated on. My previous partner tried cheating on me but she said no, and then he admitted to dancing with women up town after we split up too.

My current DP messaged two ex's about 6 months ago that I found on his phone. I was paranoid so I checked his phone which is a bad thing to do but funnily enough I found those messages.
They weren't dirty messages or anything but slightly flirtatious.

I'm also afraid my dad has cheated on my mum but I'm too afraid to ask incase the answer is yes. This has just made my fears a million times worse as he is the only man I trust

I'm the type of person where when I enter a relationship I couldn't care less about any other men in a sexual way. I only love and want the person I'm in a relationship with.

I'm just sick to death of never being treat how I treat others, I'm so respectful and faithful and I just get messed around

I don't know what to do at all

I realise nobody HAS to get married it's just something I've always wanted to do, it just feels like if I take that step the betrayal would destroy me.

If someone cheats when we aren't married it can't hurt as much maybe?

Have you always felt anxious about being cheated on, ie is it something from your childhood or is it something that has developed as successive twats have messed you about? It sounds like it really nags at you.

The text messages. I'd be a bit as well. Fair enough sometimes people want to get back in contact with an ex, singular. Texting two at the same time sounds like a bit of a fishing trip. What happened about that? Did you ask him? Did he reassure you?

You can't legislate for anyone being 100% faithful, married or otherwise. All relationships are a calculated risk and even betrayal, although nasty, is perfectly survivable. To improve your resilience have high personal standards, a clear veto on behaviour you won't tolerate and you make sure you are comfortable with the prospect of being independent/single at any stage. So if someone is messing you around... and current DP sounds like he's on very thin ice .... you get shot rather than keep them in your life creating suspicion and unhappiness.

Madbuslady- it has been the twats, I've always been fairly confident and happy and never been concerned about cheating.
It has been an endless line of men either flirting when they aren't single, getting close to me then dropping me for someone else or cheating when in a relationship.

He says he was scared as I was pregnant when he did it and was looking back to old times to feel better. I mentioned it another time and he said "well I didn't do anything did i?!"
I'd have kicked him to the curb there and then if it wasn't for DS.

I feel like I want to be single for the rest of my life especially now I suspect my dad has as he was the only reason I hoped I'd eventually meet someone decent.

I feel depressed and feel I need to learn to live alone because it never ends. I feel that men who don't cheat are just better at covering it up

If you don't trust this man, then you'd better get rid and find one that you do trust.
But everyone has the potential to disappoint us at some point and for different reasons. Cheating is just one of them.
At some point you do have to take a leap of faith, but , ideally, with eyes open.

It just hurts that I never once even looked at anyone else inappropriately.

I agree I have high standards for this type of thing, it's just I'm the type of person who'd never let someone down who I love. That's what really upsets me