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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Friend in need

6 replies

JanuaryShoes · 07/01/2014 14:38

I would like some advice on behalf of a friend who is confiding in me.

Her husband has been really difficult over Christmas, he won't talk to her, keeps going out to the pub and/ or staying overnight in hotels. He want tell her what he's been doing or talk to her about what's wrong. She's at the end of her tether, when they do communicate they just fight and one of them ends up leaving. She's had enough and is worried about the DCs but he's refusing to go to counselling.

She's not sure what to do. I think she might initiate a split but she literally can't afford to live without him as she works part time on very low pay. He's also relatively low paid but works full time. If they split, he couldn't afford to pay for her too (they really struggle with money already) and she doesn't know how she'd cope on her own. She works shifts and these are random so childcare is also an issue.

Any advice? She's really stuck in a rut.

OP posts:
roz1982 · 07/01/2014 14:46

Sounds like he's having an affair to me, sorry that's not advice, just an observation.

FolkGirl · 07/01/2014 15:27

She can claim benefits.

JeanSeberg · 07/01/2014 15:30

Advise her to get legal advice, a free half-hour consultation to know what her rights her which will hopefully put her mind at ease somewhat.

Then I'd advise her to have a look through his phone/email and see what she finds.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 07/01/2014 15:31

I agree that it sounds a lot as though he's having an affair. The main obstacle your friend seems to be facing is money. There's actually lot of help available for lone parents (as she would be) on low incomes. He'd also have to contribute a proportion of his income as maintenance for the children - and, if he has enough money to go to the pub and stay in hotels then he can support his kids. It's never going to be a fortune but an appointment with CAB could therefore be quite heartening for her.

In the meantime, to get the ball rolling, you could point he in the direction of the benefits checker at the website www.turn2us.org.uk. If she fills it in as if she is a single woman rather than a couple she'll get quite a good idea of what's available in tax credits, housing benefit and so forth.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 07/01/2014 15:32

www.turn2us.org.uk

AnyFucker · 07/01/2014 15:34

My advice is get him out permanently and claim whatever she can as a lone parent. That is what the money is there for.

How is he affording these "nights in hotels" anyway ? That is cobblers.

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