Sibling V parent problems , need advice , Long

[melsy]

Dont know were to start. As some of you may know I am going through some really crappy stuff at the moment, which my hypnotherapist is helping me deal with , unfortunately whatever lid I put on my ISSUES has been lifted off, so feeling very emotional, sensitive and vulnrable.
I have a very passionate and opinionated mother who has been a wonder for me the last couple of weeks. I found out that I have spent 26 years being angry at her for not helping me. I thought she new about stuff from my school life and now I am shocked,(as they are to, that I never told them . There has been a lot of tears and forgivness & I now feel very close to my mum & my dad keeps phoning me to see how I am.
I phoned my sister last night to be told that our mum treats us in a completely different way and has been giving my sister the cold treatment with regards to helping her with her kids 1.5 and 3.5, where as I have my mum helping and welcoming me with my DD.Here is the rub, my sister says that she doesnt see it as my fault, but is upset that she doesnt get the same treatment. I now have very mixed feelings towards my mother and am confused about what to say or do, If ANYTHING??
I broke down last night and had a panic attack brought on by all of this and feel very low, tired and sick today. I am meant to be going out but I cant face it and just want to stay at home, I havent phoned my mum yet as I normally speak every morning. I really feel sort of stuck !!!

Sorry to hear this melsy

I'm not sure I understand fully - did your mum used to give you the cold treatment as well or is your sister saying that mum has always treated you differently?

Regardless of this, it seems to me you are in a vulnerable state at the moment, and are therefore more susceptible to other people's emotional stuff. Any issues that exist between your mum and sister are not your responsibility to sort out. I'd say at the moment you need to concentrate on yourself and try to protect yourself from external sources of emotional upset. You can deal with this when you are feeling better yourself, but for now try to put it to one side and concentrate on helping yourself to feel better. Continue to accept your parents' love and support.

HUGS X

Thank you spacemonkey. My mum is a mixed bag really, I have had a few times were she has given me the cold shoulder but not very often . My sister has laways thought we are treated differently , it stems back to childhood stuff.

I know what you are telling me is right, I thought I was doing really well. I dont know how to block this, my mum is going to know somethings wrong so I am just going to have to tell her I dont feel well or something. She has very powerful perceptive abilites!!!I get them from her, bit scary!

On the other hand melsy, maybe now is a good time to talk about it with your mum, as the air has been cleared on other issues recently? Perhaps this a time for healing within your family. I guess it depends on whether your sister is ready to open up about things herself.

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My word Twiglett, sounded so familiar. We have a 3rd sister, much younger than us,13 yrs and she is the little DARLING of the family.

I just spoke to my sister & she says she wont ever talk to my mum about this as it will open a can of worms. I told her I care about her and well be there , but right now is really hard. She said we cant walk on egg shells , but I said I just need time.

I feel a little better talking on here thank u, but my mum is out today & I cant speak to her. I really dont want to be in the middle

I'm one of 3 girls and my mum always says that she must treat us fairly as we all individually complain that she treats the others better than us! Well, we did when we were children. My younger sister gets far more help from my parents than either my elder sister or I, but that is because she needs it. My bigsis and I are both married with children (hers are much older than mine - 22 and 20 as opposed to 10, 8 and 5), with comfortable incomes, etc. Lilsis is divorced with 2 children, an ex-dh who spends his life trying to make hers a misery and very little income - not on benefits but no spare money for the little things which can make life so much easier.

Is your situation so different from your sister's that you could point this out and show that your mum is only helping you more because she perceives that you need it?

My mum is the same she treats us ok but really gives my sister a hard time about everything and would never admit it.She goes on at me but not as much but we have never had it out with her,my brother did and she hasnt spoken to him in years.I wish my sister would say something and then I wouldnt have to worry about it so much but she says she won't or it will be a huge row.Sometimes we just have to accept that our parents are just people that we didnt choose and who have faults like the rest of us .I am trying now just to make my family life great regardless of whether she wants to be in it or not

Honey - get your sister to speak to your mother - this is her issue please don't get dragged into it.

My father always treated me far worse then my sister and when I asked him why he said because she wasn't as clever, pretty, sociable or outgoing as me - veiled compliment but one that made me think what sort of wanker treats their children according to how they looked in comparison with their other children - I had spent years thinking that there was something wrong with me to make him hate me so when really he was doing it cause I was so fucking great -sorry still makes me cross. (My brothers are treated entirley different from both of us girls but that cause they hers and are boys (this makes a hug difference to my fatehr - he has stated that girls only bring misery and are a pain in the arse!!)

My best friend has 2 sisters and the youngest one is treated so differently and really plays to it - its mostly cause she has faked an illness nearly her entire life and has not worked as hard to have a nice life as the other two - thing is even this isn't fair parents making up for what one kid hasn't achieved IYKWIM!! God to be an only child would be so good sometimes!!

Do not get involved - get your sister together with your mother and let them hash this out - please please honey you don't need this at the moment. XXX () Sending you a big hug.