I don't get why people do this, but it seems to happen quite often to me and I try not to take it personally.

[cleoteacher]

We have recently moved and have a neighbour of a similar age with a dd a little older than my ds. Her dh and her knocked on our door to welcome us to the street and seemed really friendly. I thought great young neigbours, it would be nice to make friends with them. So we were very friendly to them whenever we saw them coming in/out of houses.

We've lived here about 5 months now and over that time we have had chats in the street and friendly hellos. Once I just happened to go out the door when her and another neighbour were off to a soft play centre and I was invited along.

Since then we have swopped numbers and exchanged a few messages and she has initiated a few meet ups but here is the thing that confuses me.
She mentions in her messages about meeting up and when I am free, so I tell her but get no reply. She would then be very apologetic in texts saying she's forgotten and had gone to so and so. This has happened a couple of times so I then gave trying to arrange certain dates and assumed she wasn't bothered and left it to her for any contact by messages but continued to be friendly if I saw her out and about. She then messaged me again about meeting up and this time we did, I went around hers for a cuppa and we seemed to get on well. Afterwards, I sent her a text thanking her for the cuppa, saying it was nice to see her etc and asked her how her scan went as she mentioned she was expecting her second baby and had a 12 week scan the following day. She replied that it didn't go well and she had lost the baby to which I replied how sorry I was but mentioned nothing about any further meet ups. She then replied saying her and her dh wanted to invite us round between christmas and new year, I replied that would be nice and let us know when suits.

I then got a random text asking what I was doing at the moment and if I fancied going to soft play. Unfortunately I was on a dog walk and the time just wasn't convinient so she said about meeting on new years day instead to which I said yes great. Again, nothing on new years day so I left it. She then sent a message asking if I was back to work on monday and if I didn't get any work we could do something (I work freelance) So I didn't get any work today so messaged her and just said we were going to soft play later and did she fancy coming too. Again, no reply.

She seems genuinely to be a lovely person and I don't think she's doing it intentionally but I just don't get why people bother to state they would like to invite you around and mentioned specific times or specific dates, which I accept is a loose arrangement, and then you don't hear from them or they don't reply on the day THEY stated. Why mention specific days when you have no intention of meeting up with that person? I would prefer it if she just didn't mention anything about meeting up at all. I cannot work this neighbour out so have again decided just to be friendly and not get into arranging certain days.

I have to say I am guilty of this. I do it genuinely out of disorganisation, impulsiveness and forgetfulness.

But my intentions are genuinely good, and it sounds like your neighbours are as well.

People get frustrated with me too!

As others have said, she does sound busy and possibly a little disorganised (as am I!), life just gets in the way sometimes. Don't underestimate how scatty other people can be (hard to get your head around this if you are a very organised person), though its up to you if this bugs you enough that you want to distance yourself. She sounds a little like me, but I make a massive concerted effort these days to be less like that as I know how annoying other people find it!!

Your neighbour might turn out to be a good friend in the future but good solid friendships take time to develop and IMO are better left to develop and grow organically rather than too forced IYKWIM.

Also, it must have been horrible for her losing the baby, she's probably a little over the place.

Does she work as well? As a working mother (ft WOHM in my case), I don't have the time of day for such scatty disorganised people, however good their intentions and however nice they are. It really bugs me to keep an afternoon free and then nothing happens or last minute cancellation, whereupon I wasted an afternoon which I could have arranged something else.

You can try to remind her the day before but honestly, people need to be grown ups and manage their own time.

Some people are just like that. It is up to you whether to accept it or take steps to protect your time and equanimity.

How recently did she lose her baby?

Glad you're not my best friend blueshoes you're a hard-arse scatty people aren't all bad (and can be as 'grown up' as the next person; people's brains work differently that's all). I'm sensing strong 'judging' function from you (Myers Briggs MTBI, interesting stuff).

Christmas time, she has children, she's just lost a baby...

I wouldn't take it to heart

OP I agree with you, this is annoying. It's one thing to be vague and say 'let's meet sometime' and not follow through, but saying 'let's meet on x day' and then be completely unavailable on x day, that's rude imo.

I'm sensing she's a 'better offer' woman and you should file her under 'unreliable; avoid firm arrangements'. If she suggests something off the cuff and you're free, go for it but only if it suits you.

It could also be she's a bit down and when the time comes, can't face doing things but as long as she's not giving you an excuse, I'd take it as it comes and assume arrangements she suggests generally won't pan out.

Thanks guys, I think you're right. I am not the most organised person but when I arrange to see someone I follow it through unless there's a good reason why I can't. I just find it strange someone would state specific days and then just not contact that person or arrange something else. Surely it'd better to just be a bit vague about meeting up?

I would like to get to know her better and I agree it's better to get to know people organically rather than forcing it but it's kind of impossible to get to know someone who never follows arrangements through. Plus at the same time, because I don't know her that well I don't want to come across as desperate.

Turns out she went and saw a friend this morning. That's fine as I don't expect her to wait around for me as I wasn't able to confirm until today if could meet or not because of work. But seems quite rude.

She's texted to say can I do tomorrow? Not sure what to reply though as although want to meet up and get to know her, don't want to keep being messed around and base day around someone who is unreliable when have an offer to go to my sisters. Pkus, again tomorrow relies on getting work or not.

Think poster who said leave it to last minute thing is probably right but then if I keep saying no she won't ask anymore.

Jinglejangle, life's too short to waste on people who waste your time. I am aware people's brains function differently and these scatty people are often perfectly lovely. But I choose to give them a wide berth because frankly there are plenty of fish in the sea and I have enough on my plate and it seems on theirs as well.

I know it's life and she's busy but feel as it's happened quote a few times it's strange. Once or twice let it go but it baffles we why people bother to initiate meetings and then don't follow through.

She works part time and her working days and mineral there's only one and a half days we can meet up which does make things hard. But she manages to meet with other people, including our other neighbour, regularly so not always like this,

She was at the beginning of her pregnancy and lost it a few days before Xmas. She was very ' that's nature' about it in her text but I am sure she is unset yes.

i would give her benefit of doubt.

but i would also chalk her down as being flaky. i don't have time for those sorts so i'd relegate her to the 'only if convenient' list. brutal i know, but i have too much to do and don't have time for time wasters.

if she starts to be more reliable, i'd make more effort.