Too soon?

[Isthistoosoon]

DSis is getting married in a few weeks to a man she met online. They have been dating for about three months. They have spent time together at each other's houses but not lived together. I think the hurry is to have dc as neither have any and they are in their forties but it still seems very soon and I can't help feeling worried.

It is not personal about him, I hardly know him so cannot judge what I think about him. He might be great, but I have only exchanged a handful of words with him.

There are some specific things worrying me but I'm not sure if I am being over the top. Buying expensive presents for DSis and the family (who he had never met), not having any prior plans for christmas, etc and being willing to commit so soon despite having had previous divorce on grounds of his exw cheating just seems strange to me but I know everyone is different.

Anyone have any thoughts or experience which can put my mind at ease?

She's in her 40s and this may be her only chance for a kid so I'd let thm get on with it.

It may be a total disaster, but there's absolutely nothing you can do about it, I know I tried with my own sister, so you might as well detach and leave her to it.

Yes it's far too soon and stupid basically you don't know a person after a few months, but like twinkle says there's not much you can do about it part from be there. My sister got engaged after a year and I think it's too soon but he is a arrogant, bullying twat lol, but all I can do is be there for there, she's 50 and thinks she will be on her own if this doesn't work so puts up with it , when people are desperate they do the oddest thing x

Thanks twinkle. I think you are right that's what I should do too but just feel a bit gutted that I can't hand on heart say yes it's great, yes he's great, because I am terrible at lying and I just don't know.

Thanks strongmum

Have you ever said what you think and if not do you regret not saying?

Age is obviously a factor for them both. Folk think DP and are are rushing into things as we are marrying in September having only met last March, but when you know, you know.

BUT I think your sister is rushing it, however I'm 33 not in my 40's and childless. Her decision, and I hope it works out for them both

Those don't seem like particular red flags to me. No prior plans for Xmas?

There are no kids involved and hopefully she is protected financially. It might be great!

I'd just spend lots of time with sis if I were you and let her know there are always ways out etc.

I haven't I bite my lip, but other family members have she just burst into tears as she wasn't getting the answer she wanted even friends have made comments but she just thinks it's because they don't understand as they have been with their partners forever. It might work out her you don't know, but I personally wouldn't do that and be concerned about any friend or family member doing the same thing but then I've been through a lot with failed relationships and find it hard to trust anyone. Just be there for her x

I'm still gutted after 10 years that I can't say that my BIL is great, that he's not in my terms a normal sensible person, that she could have done so much better. But my sis didn't make the decision in such haste as yours and she still made the wrong choice! So even if you sis postponed the decision, she still may choose him anyway.

Thanks all.

Completely agree that it could work out really well, but I do think there would be a far better chance of that, if they had spent more than a few weekends together.

In terms of the christmas thing I meant that at about a days notice he was with us for christmas, ie he hadn't planned to be with his own family which I find a bit odd, or he had and let them down at the last minute but I guess christmas isn't all that to everyone.

Strongmum your last para - this is one of the things I find odd, if he had previously been cheated on I would expect him to want to take it more slowly - but maybe that's just me

I think it would be easier if I hadn't spent more time talking to the man at the local shop than my future brother in law!