Unsure on new man

[Janem75]

I'm separated for (over 9 months) but still living in the same house as my husband. We have started divorce proceedings on the basis of his unreasonable behaviour (financially controlling, nasty attitude, aggressive behaviour etc) Waiting for new mortgage to come through and Im going it alone once my new house is purchased.
I have a new man on the scene for the last five months. I see him once a fortnight and I feel I am falling for him. I know it's not advised to get into another relationship when my divorce isn't completed but that's the way it is at the minute.
I feel wary of my new feelings and this new man hasn't declared how he ge

Sorry... not yet completed...
Feels for me and sometimes appears a little off and not chatting online. We mostly text. We me and get on very very well. We live about 40 miles apart but I feel I'm into him more than he is to me. If that's my guy instinct... Is that probably the case?
I feel vulnerable and lonely and sometimes feel I should cut him off altogether... But sometimes he is the chink of light in my separation darkness!
Any advice would be appreciated x

Do you love this guy or is he mostly someone to help you get through the divorce? He may be the rebound man.

Him not telling his feelings is not that serious, but if you are not feeling loved, then what is the point of that relationship? It won't make you sufficiently happy.
Having said that, the ongoing divorce could be messing it up, so maybe wait until it's finished to see how you feel about him and the relationship?

I'm sort of in a similar situation. Separated from H 6 mths ago, been seeing new guy for couple of mths. Divorce not quite finalised.

My own advice (to myself!) has been to keep my guard fully up and just take each day as it comes. I am on Red Flag alert constantly and have told myself that if new guy shows any signs of being anything other than great I'll walk away. My marriage wasn't nice in the end so I'm very very wary of getting hurt again. I really didn't expect to start another relationship so soon but it kind of just happened.

My own situation is slightly different in that the new guy is very keen. He texts every day to check I'm ok and although I'm wary of getting into anything too heavy, it's nice to have someone there.

Are you the one sending all the texts here? You say he doesn't seem as 'into' you as you'd like. Can you have a talk about where you're heading? Seeing each other only once a fortnight it must be quite hard to actually talk about much.

Do you want a serious relationship from this? Or is he just someone to make you feel better after your separation? I think you need to work out in your head what you want first and then talk to him before you take it any further. Try not to fall for him properly before you know if he feels the same way (easier said than done I know)

I'm not sure my advice is very good as I'm not the best at relationships (I've only had one, it ended after 23 yrs) but I get that it's nice to have some light in the separation tunnel.

Just be careful you don't get hurt.

Separated 9 months, seeing this man 5 months - IMO it's very early days to be dating precisely because the scenario you describe can be so much more complicated and dissatisfying when one party is not yet out of the previous relationship.

I'd say trust your gut and act on what it's telling you. You're going through a tremendous period of change and I wouldn't underestimate the impact of that even though it's clearly the right thing to do.

You're not sure of yourself rather than him. It's normal to need a friend in a crisis and it's also normal to need physical affection when you've been deprived of it. Provided you realise that anxiety can make you cling to the wrong person like a drowning man clings to a life-raft, that's fine. Only fair to advise him that you're not in a position to offer 'happy ever after' and let him decide if it's enough.