He says it's over completely out of the blue

[GEM33]

Been together near 7 years. House together. Debts together. 2 yr old dd together. Sickeningly in love and thought we would grow old together. I haven't got a bad word to say about him. Had two years of hell. Had awful problems breast feeding now can't get dd weaned as she loves it still. Never slept in her own bed as very demanding and has woken sometimes hourly every night for two years. Had a very sleep deprived two years and financial strain. However throughout only had the usual minor arguments nothing major but I always felt we would overcome anything. Out the blue he told me New Year's Eve it's over. Reasons. He's changed. I'm a nutter. We want different things. Huh?!!!!!!!!!! As far as I'm aware I'm normal but very sleep deprived. I think we want the same things and he isn't willing to work at it!!! Wtf?! He s been staying over to baby sit our daughter as I'm a shift worker and being calm and we are hugging and talking but he is adamant he hasn't got anyone else but just doesn't want me any more!? I'm in shock and utter devastation. Wtf is going on!

Please make him VERY aware that childcare is to be done by you both FOREVER... so he cannot just walk away.. and become less sleep deprived, less time deprived, less money deprived, less child oriented than you are by just saying he wants out, become free to do "what he wants" in life etc... etc... children do not just "go away" he will still have half a week's night duty etc etc...

When some people leave it is to get rid of responsibilities, to make a clean break - but to have the nice bits of childhood- the trips out, the presents - the babysitting at your house not the day to day grind..... be wary of him "only being able to afford to rent a 1 bed" etc....

My dad was one of the "responsibility shirkers" - he didn't leave for someone else, just did not want 4 kids to look after, he had "changed" and "wanted different things from life" so he formalised all the leaving then moved too far away for us to see him... quite deliberately...

If he isn't seeing someone else, but feeling overwhelmed and exhausted by the demands of fatherhood and debt

This can happen with men frequently.

I don't know whether he's got someone else or not, whether he's just struggling with the early years of having a child and the huge change it has on your whole family or whether he's just fallen out of love. Either way, I would suggest some sort of couples counselling. What it may do is to get everything out in the open, and possibly enable you to work things out. If not it will help you to understand and have some sort of closure rather than the situation you're in now.
I can't imagine how you're feeling and I hope that something can help. X

Thanks all. It's a month on now. I've been very nice and calm with him and we stopped sleeping together. Various conversations have come up about "is there someone else" and the answer is "no" several times and " if that's what you want to think then think that".
I haven't begged to get back together and I ve not been pushy about anything. He is fulfilling his role as a good dad and been very supportive to me. We have had minor arguments as to be expected but always return to calm. I did find out he was lying one night he said he was working late but he wasn't and then he admitted he was going for a drink. This concerns me..
However, I'm trying to move on but finding it so hard and I admit I am being eaten up by the constant niggling that there is someone else and frankly if there was it would seriously help me to move on. Some. Ithn say it's none of my business as we are split up but I'm sure you can appreciate why i can't help this feeling.
I'm seeing the doc to maybe get some medication to numb me a bit and definitely starting counselling..
This is the hardest most painful thing I've experienced.

Sorry GEM, you sound so upset. You need to focus on you now as well as your daughter and accept that the relationship is over. Couples counselling wouldn't help because he wants 'out'. Let him go. Anybody can end any relationship at any time and, from what you've posted, he's been decent and supportive since and a good father.

I don't believe that people make knee-jerk decisions to leave established relationships and whether this is somebody else or not, he's considered what's best for him. It's also the best thing for you as he's been truthful in telling you that the relationship is over.

Regroup and make your life with your daughter, getting whatever support you need in the meantime, but for YOU, not as a couple. It feels rubbish at the moment but you WILL feel better.

Gem I'm sorry you're going through this, I hope you're drawing real life support around you. In my experience friends and family can be more supportive than you imagined.

Well done for stopping sleeping together. Wanting to sleep with someone is a very natural part of breaking up I think, but it's not helpful to give in.

How old are you both? I agree with others that someone else is likely on the scene, but I also wouldn't discount his "I've changed" scenario. In my sphere it's been very common for men to drift along in relationships for 5-7 years and then realise late 20s to early 30s that it's wrong for them but yes they normally need another woman on board before they jump.

When they say there's no one else,he means he hasn't slept with anyone. There will usually be someone that's turned his head and hes interested in.

Unless youre kidding yourself about how hard work things have been?

Well Gem, if I knew then what I know now (yes that old cliche) I'd be out there watching him. God knows how long my ex was stringing me along for - I guess I will never know, but it certainly wasn't for the 3.5 weeks he said it was!

He is 37. I'm 35. X no our lives have been hellish with everything the last two years. It really has been awful x yes I do need to move on. It's just hard letting go when I have to see him all the time re our daughter :-(

Then dont see him do get a friend to do drop offs and pick ups for a while.I think at this stage you need to concentrate on yourself to heal.You need to take the bull by the horn and start doing stuff just for you.

Well u lot. I don't know if what he is saying is true but he is dating 26 yr old gorgeous blonde piece he says for the last 3 weeks! So yeah. All the cynical comments correct. I don't doubt that things may have happened sooner time to move on and stop dwelling. Thanks all x

Oh yeah she has no kids! Did I mention he now has no where to live but a family members house. He has now two kids by two different women. Debts. No money and has to babysit his kids 3-4 weekends in a row due to my shifts and his weekend with number one child. Lol hope this poor girl knows what she is letting herself in for. And he stays at mine to babysit! I'm not going to do anything to make his life difficult it already is!
I've already pointed out he needs to be careful coz if he doesn't want more kids he should have the snip. He doesn't have a good track record of being a responsible father leaving both kids age 2.

Well you didn't have to wait for to long to find out.

How are things for you? Did you ever have sex with him again? Are you still cooking for him or doing his laundry?

What a cock. I hope it falls off...his cock that is! Ive had it witb men tbh.