Is it normal to be not unhappy?

[mumnosbest]

I've been married for more than 10 yrs and have 3 DCs. Some days I could throttle DH and now and then we get on really well but mostly we just plod along. If I was alone it would be easier not to be with DH but he doesn't really make life any harder either and the kids love him to bits.

so back to my question. I don't have plans to leave him but is it normal to just not be unhappy and get on with it or am I missing something?

If I was alone it would be easier not to be with DH but he doesn't really make life any harder either and the kids love him to bits.

Do you mean that you wouldn't miss him if you separated?

Wow, what are you saying really? That life would be much better without your DH in it? Or that you wished you were unhappy?

If 'not unhappy' also means 'not particularly happy either' ie. if it's all a bit of a boring rut and there's no joy or excitement in your life, then it's not exactly abnormal but it's not a great way to live. If you get on well that's a good start but maybe you and DH should come up with some ideas between you how you can both stop plodding and start living a little? Relieve the monotony.

You've worded your thread in a bit of an odd way.

The opposite of 'not unhappy' is 'happy'.
So what you are asking is ' is it normal to be happy'?

Which is an odd thing to say :)

Do you mean that you no longer feel madly in love with your DH and are just chugging along?

If so, then that is pretty normal in long term marriages.

But the point is no one would post that unless they felt there was 'more' and that they are missing out on something.

So what's your real question?

'mostly we just plod along'....

Huh?

She's bored. Isn't that the nub of this? Not unhappy, not happy, just plodding, 'settling' ... relationship is a big fat drudge but they don't feel it's bad enough to call it a day.

I think many marriages get challenged by drudgery and boredom. Many marriages also suffer from people who just plod along who accept it and do nothing to try to improve on things.

Even those who are madly in love benefit from making an effort to keep things fresh and banish the dull.

Could it be far more mundane and you are simply suffering from post festivities blues? Plus January and February are the worst months in the year...for me anyway ;-)

I don't know.

I'm together with DH 10 years too. Also have three children.

I'm incredibly happy with him though we've had really, really shit times.

It's never been tough because of him or how I feel, just circumstances IYSWIM.

I still get butterflies.

I'm not sure I would want to settle for "not unhappy".

I should say though, some days I could happily kill him and bury the body!

walter I LOVE your last line!!! me too but I'd hazard a guess that my husband has more days thinking that about me than me about him.

Essentially though, there's a big difference between not loving the life you have with your partner and not loving your partner.

I know of a huge number of marrieds ( talking 25 + years not 10) who are 'content' and settled but many stay because the upset of leaving is too much hassle.

I'm worried for the OP because she says she wouldn't miss him- or words to that effect- if he wasn't at home.

Not sure how you can quantify that unless it happens. But it suggests he adds nothing of value to her life but even the 'contents' would disagree with.

joysmum I'm sure mine would too! He just wouldn't have the guts to tell me!

Hmm lots of interesting comments. I think I am bored and DH is going through a grumpy stage. By saying life would be easier I don't necessarily mean better. Maybe we do need to make more effort to make life more interesting and it's a good point about the time of year. January is always a bit depressing.

That's why holiday companies do their advertising this time of year. 'Grumpy' is a self-indulgent. No-one wants to live with a grouch. Pick your moment, get some information together... leisure activities in your area, theatre listings, holiday brochures, sporting fixtures, whatever.... and set the challenge 'we're in a rut, how do we fix it?'

thanks and yep he is a grouch :)
Booked an Easter break for a start so looking forward to that. I think we're both stuck in a rut and working fulltime with 3 kids means neither of us make much effort to get out.