How do I support him.

[superstarheartbreaker]

Newish man. On and off. He's lovely and a single dad and he really misses his son when he's not around . He sees him every fornight and a bit more over Christmas. As a single mum I never really thought about how hard it must feel for the fathers.
He is hoping to move nearer his son as his ex has agreed to shared parenting. Tbh henisca bit damaged by his divorce as he did't want it to happen. Feels like the family was torn apart but there were issues with lost babies wjich put a huge strain on. I think he needs grief councelling tbh Re those lost babies (stillborns)

Have you told him that he needs counselling and how to get it?

I don't think you should invest too much emotionally on this. You feel sorry for him, but it's a newish relationship, on and off, and he is moving nearer his son, and ex. He seems to have lots of unresolved issues with the tragedies, and the divorce. So, I'd point him in a good direction and let him go, at least until he is more stable.

I suspect you may end up very hurt if you keep seeing him.

I'm afraid I wouldn't even gone on a first date with this guy. Too much baggage and I hate that word.

Great that you are a supportive person but he doesn't sound ready for dating at the moment so protect your own feelings.

I would bow out and walk away. He needs time (years) to be on his own and get through this stage. You are doing neither a favour by being involved. The issues could become far more and you need to choose someone who is at the same place in life as you, not a fixer upper.

He's not ready to date.
He'll drag you down with him.

Move on.

You certainly have a mountain to climb here - it does sound like he needs a lot of support, and he's probably best getting that from professionals.

As a parent you can relate to the feelings of missing his son so you can be empathic however outside of that I don't think its appropriate for you to offer any other support.Its a new relationship and its easy for women to get into the fixing role but that would not be healthy long term.I tend to be a fixer but I have to refrain from the behaviour as you end up without your needs being met.

Does he have close family/friends that he can talk you? If he is still recovering from his relationship ending and hasn't recovered from the loss then he's unlikely to be in a good place to start a new relationship with you.

Agree with all the PPs. He doesn't sound ready to enter into a new relationship unfortunately, and you could get dragged down and very hurt if you're not careful. As a single parent yourself, don't you need some fun & lightness in your life rather than another person's angst?

Oh gosh...I have huge amoynts of baggage and have done for over 10 years but im not going to put off finding love bevause of it.
How does anyone get over stillborn babies x2 anyway. He is moving on and has said so. It just hurts hin thst he dosnt see his son every day and that is never going away. Nearer his son is also near me so no problem. I am being cautious and we have lots of fun together but I cant dump him because he grieves for his dead children and misses his living son. We just had a very lovely, happy Christmas and ny together.
He was just supposed to be having his son ths wknd and the ex said no..that's why hes so sad.

You are opening yourself up to a world of pain.

He will say he's moving on, doesn't mean he actually is.

Does he support your problems? Listen to your woes and 'baggage'? Does he feel responsible for your happiness?