Went away for Christmas and DH says don't come home!

[ohwoeisshe]

DD and I went to stay with family just after Christmas whilst house is being renovated. DH is at home overseeing the works. Things have been rocky for a little while as due to a business decision - things have gone badly wrong financially. DH has been depressed and unpleasant to live with and down right angry at times.

However it was starting to look up and a way out, when he found out that I owed money he didn't know about - so he phones me up, screams at me and tells me not to come home.

Now I know that I am to blame for some of this situation, but unfortunately it his business decisions (against my advice) that have lead to this and he has so much debt because of it. Yes mine is the icing on the cake and I fully understand that.

There has been very little contact since as he says he is too angry to speak to me, but DD and I need to go home.

I don't know what will happen if I do go home - I know it is just about liveable at the moment, but it is our home so what can I do?

We have work and school to go to and whilst we can just about make it from where we are, it would make life very difficult.

How can I communicate with someone who will not talk to me other than say don't come home!

If we go home he is likely to be nasty, and petty and it will be a horrible atmosphere.

What does anyone do in a situation like this?

Go home it is your house as well as your h's but more importantly it is your dd's. He can't keep you out and whilst I understand his frustration he needs to shoulder his part of the responsibility too.

Go home and tell him to leave if he finds your presence so intolerable. Stability for your DD trumps his tantrum.

Yes go home he can't keep you out it's your home and DDs home as well.
I agree with him on the building up debt without discussing it - that would be a deal breaker for me.

I would normally go home but because of the renovations it would be difficult to live in the house as normal. We could but one of us would have to sleep on the sofa as no bedroom free and we have limited kitchen or bathroom facilities.

I should clarify that he built up all his debts without ever telling me and it was a far more substantial amount than I would have imagined and I have stood by him. We even had threats of bailiffs etc and he still didn't mention it to me!

Two wrongs don't make a right and he doesn't owe you forgiveness because you forgave him but I see where you are coming from. This might just be the straw that broke the back of the relationship tbh. He must feel like this is a slap in the face after taking stick for doing the same off you all the while covering up your own secret debts. Either way you have a choice to make for dd - stay where you are or go home? Stay together or split up?

I have never given him stick for the debt - the opposite in fact. Because he was trapped by a business decision we could not reverse it was inevitable. We could not afford our outgoings and he did not want to give up on the business. I tried to explain the reality of our situation, but it did not sink in.
I had to keep going, but unfortunately that has meant more debt in the end.
Because of his depression and near breakdown a while ago, I felt I could not tell him the whole truth and risk it pushing him over the edge at the time.
I know it has all been the wrong choices, but I would like him to acknowledge that it isn't solely my responsibility.
We now finally have a way out and things could change, but then this happened. I was stupid and thought i could pay it off without him finding out about it.

Apologies, that wasn't clear from your OP, it sounds more like he's angry at the world than you specifically and he's using this as a stick to beat you with.