How long does it take?

[Really1]

I know the answer to this is the same as the one that answers how long is a piece of string but...

How long does it take to feel like you are ready to love again?

Exh left me & our 2 kids nearly a year ago for reasons that he "just didn't know if marriage was for him anymore" after 10 yrs together.
He was my first love (been together since school)& love of my life & I was devastated but slowly started picking myself up again.

I bumped into an old school friend this summer, started texting, went on dates & things started snowballing into a full on relationship.
I finished it just before Xmas because I felt that although we got on so well the "spark" for me wasn't there & we wanted diff things (he wants kids I don't want anymore), and I just didn't feel like I was ready to give my all- actually I posted here asking for advice if I had done the right thing.
Fast forward 3 weeks & we have been texting & he asked & took me on a date on Sunday. Had the best time & I kind of agreed to take things slow & see what happened. Anyway- he took this as all systems go & I instantly felt pressured again (asked to meet up Monday when my girls go to their dads, suggested a day at the coast etc etc).
I have now had a big freak out again & basically called the whole thing off.
He's pretty angry & I don't blame him as ultimately I've given him false hope but I know I don't feel the way he feels about me (at the mo) & it's not fair plus his idea of taking it slow clearly isn't the same as mine.

ANYWAY, what I'm (long windedly) trying to ask is how long until u feel ready to feel anything for anyone again after being hurt? Or can u never love the same way?
I hope I'm not going to live to regret my decision as this guy was lovely & treated me amazingly but my instructs are telling me it's too soon.

Gosh I'm rambling! Stories/advice please!

It might be that the guy isn't right (as you suspect) rather than you're not ready.

I started dating someone about 5 months after my marriage ended but I was the one to leave the marriage. The new relationship was a shall we/shan't we, are we serious or not and in the end he dumped unexpectedly.

Again (strangely enough) five months later I met someone else and knew within about three weeks I would hate to be without him. Six years later, am very happy, so glad I got dumped!

It's hard to say for someone else and if this guy is crowding you then you need to back off for whatever reason, be it you or him.

Not really my thing but you haven't had many replies

In my experience, you should trust your gut instinct - love is either there or it isn't. You said there wasn't a spark

Hello Really1, when my marriage failed… I tumbled into a period of dating all the wrong types. Perhaps subconsciously to deter to meeting anyone who resembled my exH. It takes time to find the 'spark'…. I don't think I've found it yet… and my marriage broke up in 2009. I'm pretty sure that you can "Love" quite soon… after - It just has to be someone that's right for you.
Take your time and if he cannot understand or respect your rhythm and that you are different to him… it might not be the 'right' situation… for you.

If you've been in a couple all your adult life there will be a gap in your identity/lifestyle at the moment that it's tempting to fill with someone new. However, I think your reluctance to go this route is because there is an opportunity to be 'I' rather than 'we'... something that maybe you feel you missed out on originally, getting together with someone so young.

I would find the instant pressure to ramp things up again despite the agreement to take things slowly would be a red flag for me, a sign that he didn't really listen to what you were saying (take it slow) & instead only heard the part he wanted to hear (it's on again). But I may be a bit sensitive to that, from my own past.

TBH, I don't think this is a particularly nice guy. It sounds like his agreement to take things slowly was just to get dating you again, and it's not good that he's angry now that you called it off. It's not as if you had agreed to marry him.

How was he planning on resolving the children issue?

I think your instincts were telling you he's not the one.

Lweji- this was the other thing, he started back tracking with the kids thing saying he might come to see my two as his own & that it's made him question what he wants etc.. It's like he's too eager to please..

To be fair when I say angry he's angry over text so might just be me reading it angrily but I don't blame him really as it's the 2nd time I've done it to him- but when someone is so eager for it to work and over flattering it can be hard to not go with the flow.

I need to keep listening to my instincts though as I wouldn't be feeling this way if there wasn't doubts..