Hey all
I'm new and not sure where to start. And sorry if this get's long. Feeling very confused. And i'm just not sure if this is 'normal'…or if i'm being abnormal and ungrateful.
yesterday my partner and i (2 and a half years - no children, though i miscarried this year) decided after quite a difficult year to 'take a break' from each other. He'd moved in last january after i found out i was pregnant. We've always had what i'd define as not an easy relationship. He has always been though a good person, kind, respectful, and i could write a long list of his 'qualities' so to speak.
We were/are though extremely different people. I know that he's never really got me, or what I'm about. That sounds really egoistical and i feel quite guilty and ungrateful. Does it matter? Should it matter? It's sometimes been very hard to tune into each other. He's had an incredibly sheltered life and i've had the opposite.
There are so many qualities that he has which i admire, he's reliable, trustworthy and protective. But i often feel and have felt kind of as if a thick blanket has been thrown over me, and has somehow extinguished all the fun from my life. I know that it can't all be down to him, of course!
Since we've been together though (I moved city for work and do not have any friends or family) I've become totally isolated. My life is 100% him. And i just know that this is not doing me any good.
The last year has been constellated with weekly arguments (yes…I started them all…probably from multiple insecurities!) whereby i always end up putting our whole relationship on the line. I feel awful, i feel as if i've ruined his life. He's a good person and i wish i could be the uneventful, 'good' partner that he so craves. Even though he says he 'loves me as i am'…
Can it be that we're just not suited to each other?
I feel so utterly confused about what's right, wrong, what i feel, what i should appreciate, if it's just me being a complete utter idiot?
Is it wrong to want to have 'fun' with your partner? To laugh at the same things? Is that unreasonable? Half the time he has no idea what I'm talking about regarding…art, music, film eccc… I've tried to 'excuse' this ti myself…saying that i have no idea about football and the ancient romans. But heck… sometimes you just want to listen to Pearl Jam on HIGH volume together with someone who knows who they are!!
Sorry for being sooooo long.
I ask, is this immature???
I'm really confused….