Going to a funeral and facing abusive relatives

[middleclassdystopia]

I'm heavily pregnant and the funeral will be hundreds of miles away.

Sadly I have a very dysfunctional family. I am not in contact with some due to past abuse. However I was in touch with the relative that died.

I'm torn about going. Part of me wants to go, hold my head high and say goodbye. However I face a long, long journey and potential abuse if I do go. Not ideal when pregnant.

If you had a good relationship with the relative who died, they will understand if you don't go to their funeral. They would probably prefer that you didn't put yourself in a position where you were stressed, unhappy and miserable, and certainly wouldn't want you to risk the pregnancy.

Take care of the living, and the new life. I'm sure your relative would be fine with this.
Look after yourself in this and save yourself the stress of dealing with other family members, and the pressure of a very difficult journey.

Life throws these major decisions at us, and we have to weigh things up, rationalise the situation and prioritise. Imagine how awful you would feel if someone really upset you miles away from home. Your relative would not want you to suffer I'm sure.

Yes, I agree. You can always visit the gravesite on your own, in a few days. Or even after the baby is born. Lord knows a long drive will probably help baby sleep!

Turn up right on time when everyone is seated, stay for the service, then straight out just shaking hands with the immediate family outside. Don't say anything but 'I'm so very sorry for your loss'. Or stay at home, light a candle and spend some time thinking about them.

Don't go. Go to a local church or somewhere spiritual for you, light a candle and think of your relative in love & peace.

They will understand, and the "family"... Who cares what they might say? Thinking about that compared to putting yourself through all sorts of trouble by attending.

Your relative would understand, he/she would not want you to embark on such a long journey heavily pg and have to deal with people you are NC with.
Go to the grave with your baby after the birth, lay flowers and have a quiet moments reflection and say goodbye in your own way, without all the aggro.
On the day of the funeral, you can light a candle and remember your relative at home, you do not need to be at the funeral (esp under the circumstances) to say goodbye and pay your respects.

Definitely don't go. Send flowers and cards and remember your relative in your own way. The dead are past caring.

I like the idea of going with my new baby (who will have relative's middle name). My birth mum is buried at the same church.

I am sad and grieving but this was my last link with the relatives who have made my life hell in the past. I feel now I will have peace and can focus on my own little family.