please - im not sure what i should be doing - panicking again

[thatlldonicely]

ongoing from www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1946522-my-husband-has-just-told-me-hes-not-sure-how-he-feels-about-me-anymore

DH has said he will contact counsellor tomorrow - despite me saying i think we should go together so i can hear things first hand he wants to go on his own - says he needs to sort head out first - and we can go together after. as another poster on a different thread said "he expects you to sit around whilst he sorts out whether he still wants to be married to you" - this is it - dont know what else i can do - im starting to think he is taking the p out of me - i am concerned that all our finances are accessed via his computer with passwords etc - i have no idea about any of it - in the past we talked about him giving me the info in case of his death - but not this - i dont know if i should ask him for the details & how he'll react if i do - i have left myself vulnerable and am starting to doubt whether i can trust him - i am panicking again - should i tell him this is how i feel - am i overthinking things & should i just sit & wait it out - advice please - but no LTB or kick him out as he wont go - we have another gathering of his family at the weekend and again i will have to carry on as though this is not happening

You don't have to do anything at all my lovey!

If having his family round is too much just now then tell them not to come. I think that is perfectly reasonable in the circs.

I understand that the uncertainty is making you stressed. All I can suggest is that you take steps to reduce that for yourself by taking control.

Maybe tell him that you should separate whilst he decides what he wants. You will at least then have a category to fit into in your mind and some certainty. Then you can either continue being separated if he decides to leave (which I think is what he's telling you really although you can't know) or you can consider getting back together if he wants to try again.

I think, when you feel like everything being done is out of your control and you have no influence, the important thing is to wrestle back the initiative. You can't change him. He appears to have his own agenda in which you don't feature particularly highly and no, you can't trust him. What you can do is start setting your own agenda. Even if 'LTB' can't be achieved immediately, you can work towards it. Talk to someone close and get their support, for example. Get professional advice (legal/benefits/accommodation/GP/whatever) with particular emphasis on the financial. When you are under attack, protect your interests.