Anyone else feel like this as a dil?

[louloutheshamed]

Bil and sil are going through an acrimonious divorce. Mil cannot say stb ex sil's name without spitting.

But from what I understand of the situation, both are at fault. Bil has a terrible record in relationships but mil sees him as the innocent party. As another dil I find it a bit disconcerting to see the venom with which the family have turned against sil, and I cannot Join in the attacks towards sil despite her mistakes.

It's a reminder that blood is thicker than water, and I suppose it makes me feel a bit vulnerable, even though I am v secure in my relationship with dh. But as a mother to 2 ds I worry about this from my pov as a potential future mil.

Does anyone else get what I mean?

Definitely. I think it's one thing to be loyal or support your DCs through crises but I also believe you have to see them as they are and not as some perfect creature incapable of making mistakes.

Your MIL is wrong to attack the ex if she knows it's a 50/50 situation but my DM is exactly the same. Defends family every time and blames everyone else on principle to the point that I've even found myself occasionally reminding her that I was the one who cocked up!!!

My own DS is already aware, thanks to some bullying problems at school, that I will always have his back. However he's also aware that, when he's at fault, there's no point running crying to me.

It's hard isn't it? I keep thinking how I would feel towards a woman who had hurt one of my sons. But I would like to think I would be fair.

We all like to think we'll be fair. Truth is, however, that when your kid tells you someone has hurt them there's a little bit of your motherhood DNA that is not interested in being fair but instead pulling on the balaclava and screwing in the silencer.... :) Guess it doesn't change with age.

Know exactly what you mean!

I would speak to my MIL at least once a week. She often came to have DS if I needed to work at the last minute. Always texting to offer help.

Since the split three months ago, nothing! STBXH has reported several things back that she has said about me.

Odd because you would think she might be able to take a step back and think "two sides to every story, I really must remain civil with her if I want to maintain the same level of closeness with my DGS."

Silly woman!

Is it a mother-son thing?

Not just MILs either. When exh left (cocklodger of the highest order) fil was outraged at his ds's behaviour and vowed never to speak to him again. I pointed out that this was unlikely and that blood would always be thicker than water in the long run. Was told this was definitely not the case. It lasted all of about month before fil was happily going on family outings with exh and the OW.

MIL was never an easy woman unless getting her own way and was very spiteful when we split. Fortunately she took her ds's word as gospel (something she told me was always a mistake when we broke up) and blamed me for something to all and sundry. When I told her what had actually happened and it emerged that he had told her a pack of lies and pocketed her money. She has been so embarrassed by this that she will no longer be in my company which has to be said is quite a relief.

as a mum to three grown -ups, two are in relationships i can say without a doubt, i will always love and welcome my children however old they are, however i can see the two sides to the relationships - DD and partner live with us, and so i just refuse to get int he middle - it wont end up well for me if i do.

but my oldest and his gf live together in relationship for years and son is an absolute arse - his gf is also an arse - they argue viciously, son is lazy to the bone, gf has other issues, likes to cause jeremy kyle style dramas from time to time that i will not participate in despite unbelievable texts and e-mails from her - so they are both a pair who argue get loved up argue and rinse repeat... I don't take sides for self preservation, if i start calling the partners names - when they get back together, the only person who will suffer is me - cos i wont see them