I don't know what to do..

[idkwwhattodo]

back-story. my partner and I got 'engaged' christmas day we haven't been together a long long time and were just about to move in together (he's here everyday sleeps around 4/5 nights a week). I have 1 DC not by him

He comes round yesterday and tells me that him and his best friend have been talking and they both feel that it was too soon, they've decided the engagement should be called off and he's going to move in first the maybe reconsider things at a later date it was just a joke to him and it wasn't serious.

i was shocked and didn't really know what to say, so i said nothing. Took the ring off and gave it back and we sat in silence for about 3 hours. We had friends round and he was rude and ignored me. They left around midnight and I ended up going to bed. I was waiting up for him till around 2am when it turned out he'd sulk himself to bed on the sofa. He climbed into bed this morning round 9 and Not much was said to each other and he went home as I went to pick my DC up from my mothers.

we ended up texting, I'd told him friends and family had brought cards what shall we do? I didn't really want to say to my mum, "sorry you'll have to take them back DP and his best friend have decided not to be engaged anymore" where he told me I was over-reacting, it was just a joke to him, it wasn't serious and he didn't care he'd had enough. I said maybe if he doesn't care any more then shall he collect his stuff? which he jumped at the chance for.

He's picked up his stuff and gave be back the house key. He then proceeded to tell me he didn't want to break up and he would come round tomorrow to discuss what to do.

I know it's not been long and If he had spoken to me about it first then, I would of said that's fine. The fact he's had this whole discussion with his best mate and then told me what's happening. I just feel lost. I don't know what to do anymore. I do love him but I'm rather hurt.

WWYD?

if he had come to you and said I've been thinking about things and perhaps I was a bit foolish and carried away what with us moving in and rushed things and have reconsidered and then you had had a chat between you then I'd be nodding and thinking very sensible of you.

Exactly! BillyBanter I said to him if he'd told him if he had done exactly that then I would of understood and said that's fine kinda and moved on. I just feel completely blown apart. He has no understanding despite telling me he does that my world has been flipped upside down because his friend say's so.

Yes, I think you would feel better if you take control. You can't stay with someone who is disrespecting you (and your dc) because you are worried what people will think.

I think you should first tell him straight; that you don't want to be with someone who will mess you around like this and try to pass it off as a joke, who cannot have their own opinions and has to pass everything to do with your relationship by their mates.

Then you tell your family and friends that you have dumped him because he was messing you around and you want better for yourself and your child. If they ask you can elaborate as much as you want. His behaviour only humiliates him, not you, unless you tolerate it that is!

I think your friends and family will probably heave a huge sigh of relief right before they shake your hand and say 'well done love, we never liked him'

You're dwelling way too much on the friend - he's not doing this because his friend told him to, he's his own person. He's doing this because it's what he wants. Don't let the friend excuse him, if you see what I mean.

Lucky escape. The good friend is a pretext. That was his way of telling you he didn't want to get engaged. Get out there and find someone else.

Then why blame it on the friend because he knows I'll see him

Why not be completely honest with me like a man and tell me that in fact he feels he's rushed us as a couple and wants to move in before being engaged. Why basically blame this on his friend and make it 1000 x's worse for himself if he still wants to be with me

Why do you still want to be with such an immature excuse for a man? Get rid, keep your dignity!

Obviously no-one on the Internet can tell you but at a guess I'd say because he is too immature to handle/take responsibility for his feelings.

Expect more of this if you continue seeing him. He's fallen spectacularly at the first (small) hurdle of his own making! Cut and run, plenty of better men around!

He's not a grown up. Don't get married to a man who hasn't grown up. Or let him move in. He'll expect you to let him behave like a sulky adolescent and it'll be all your fault when you don't.

have a think about some stuff you'd really love to do and go and do it. Shake yourself free of him and be a bit choosier next time.

Absolutely shitty thing of him to do, but darling please consider this a lucky escape, as others have said. You do not want to spend your whole life with a pathetic little manchild.

Have you spoken with anyone close to you yet?

And as for moving in, ha! Everything he owns in a box to the left.

If you want to explain to people why it's over, you can say that you wanted different things out of life and you had to prioritise your and DC's happiness and wellbeing.

Thanks everyone

Turnip I haven't told anyone. I haven't spoken to him since he picked up his stuff

He has decided to do this not his friend. He has mentioned his friend to support his decision, to enforce that it's a decision and not a negotiation. He's a twat. Tell your family ' he decided that he doesn't want to marry me and it was too fast- I decided he was a wanker and ended it' job done, I'm not sure why the friend even comes into it tbh.

Don't move in with this man- anyone who so flippantly makes and brakes life decisions, and shows so little respect for people, is not an influence you want around your DC.

Spend some time reading the many relationship threads where the man has treated the woman like shit, she has taken him back and years later she is wishing she had left him sooner.

You are well rid..

Stop worrying about what people will think and worry more about why you don't have any self esteem.

If a man makes a huge decision because his friend told him too you are better off without him!

If it helps you, tell people you had a long think and handed the ring back.

You owe him nothing.

You owe no more explanation to anyone.

I know everyone has their faults. But he does seem incredibly immature. Not sure if I buy the story about the friend advising him. But whether it's true or made up it's still very silly. I agree he should have said something along the lines that maybe you both have rushed into things a bit and he wasn't ready for that level of commitment. And took it from there.