Is there such a thing as 'sparks' when you get older? Or do you just settle for someone nice?

[Grockle]

My ex made me all tingly. I thought about him and felt warm and fuzzy, I was excited when I knew he was on his way home or when I received a text from him.

I've dated 3 men since then. 1 was a knob but the other 2 are lovely. But I don't feel like that. I don't desperately want to see them yet there is no logical reason why...on paper, both are perfect. But I feel like that's not enough. Are my expectations too high?

No, you just have to keep looking for warm and fuzzy. There are a billion men in the world and you've met just three. Increase the odds a little.

Not too high if its what you want? My ex still makes me feel like that after 35 years and I wish he wouldn't as in 2 years I have felt nothing for any one else I am hoping to find it in 2014 although if I stay in bed all day on MN thats not likely!!

What's the point of having a relationship if there are really no sparks? I mean it is one thing to put up with a lack of sparks if you have been together a long time, have children and generally collapsing the family unit is a bad thing, but why do that when you are single and can find nice and sparky men?

I am married but even I find the odd spark every now and again, I just don't act on it. Don't settle for perfect on paper, you are not living your life on paper anyway.

There was a thread the other day about attraction I can't post a link but it had 'butterflies' in the title and it was recent so should be easy enough to find and it had some really good theories in! Worth a look x

Yes, there are such things as sparks when you get older.

That was my thread home

My thinking is lust shouldn't be the reason to chose a partner. Why should your fanjo dictate it all? That's not to say you should settle for a nice man your not physically attracted to but to be with a man just because he makes your tingle isn't looking at the whole picture.

I once was shagging a man who was the best ever shag ever. Every single time I would say omg that was a ten and everytime after he beat the ten so to speak. Everytime he touched me just a brush past my skin hurt where the tingles were so intense. This was a man who I would never consider to marry his values and ways were not compatible to me and my life.

I've recently had a few dates with a lovely lovely man. We chat constantly and hold many of the same core beliefs as well as having similar interests. We have a connection so to speak but I don't look at him and feel a great need to rip his clothes off. I'm just going to see where it goes. It's not that I don't find him attractive it's just not the main attraction.

Apparently butterflies are your body's warning of fight or flight response and is warning you of danger. We then mix up danger an lust and then lust and love and allow behaviour we wouldn't normally put up with as they give us this feeling.

Now for a sweeping generalisation, slow burner relationships tend to last longer and have more happy times then extreme highs and lows. It depends if you want a few extreme highs for a load of crap. Bad relationships have lots of addictive behaviour and dramas, due to IMO bloody sparks and butterflies.