Please help me be strong for 2014

[JustDrive]

I'm sad alone miserable etc...
Cried my way through midnight thinking about my H kissing his gf and thinking about their future.

We had been married 3.5 yrs, he had been studying the whole time. DS is 2.9.

I had an affair which I regret so deeply and bitterly. Can't believe I have done this. Obviously checked out, which in turn led him to check out.

Split a month ago. Id already left OM and wanted to make things work but he left. Slept on mates sofa. Now rents room somewhere, I'm not allowed the address,

I kept asking if he was seeing someone, all the time I asked, feared I was projecting.
Until yesterday when I literally bumped into him with another woman when I was out with DS alone.
Most awful moment. Got everything I deserved right there, found out since she works at same place. It's just like how we first met and had to keep it secret because his ex worked there at the time.

So I totally get the excitement etc.
But. He must love her so much to walk away from me and DS, he's renting a room atm apparently and does his washing at his mums

I'm gutted. He doesn't know about my affair. Can't believe this.
I don't want to be so emotional at handover with DS like I have been as I know it pushes him away further. How do I ever move on? My body is shaking. He left just over a month ago but after yesterday I'm back to square one with not eating sleeping or anything.

Sounds like you shit on your own doorstep. But Goo luck for 2014!

Good *

Thanks.

Hi JustDrive, spotted your post just before was turning in for the night and wanted to write something supportive, although I'm not sure what to say that's useful because I've been married a lot longer than you and not had an affair.

Do you know why you had the affair? If you can understand this, then regardless of whether you and your dh do/are able to get back together, you will know what can trigger problems for you in a relationship.

I sincerely hope 2014 is a better year for you and your ds. I will look in on the thread tomorrow to check how you are. I might be able to say something more useful then too!

I know I had the affair because I am selfish and had no support from H with regards to anything.

I deeply regretted it and was trying to put things right.

Now I have lost him anyway and feel very alone and insignificant in his world after only a matter of weeks.

If this guy was not the man you needed him to be, hence the affair, maybe he is not worth all this heart ache. If he didn't support you in anything like you said, it sounds to me, like no relationship worth saving!

What was his good side? I know its hard when a child is involved too. I totally get that. But the affair you had to me sounds like a loud cry for help/love/support/whatever and until you address the real reason why the affair happened, things will never be happy ever after, excuse the cliche.

Ok, well if you had no support from your h then you were not the only one being selfish?
For this morning, try if you can to get some rest/sleep. If you're finding eating a struggle, then stay hydrated, big glass of water by bed and just generally when appetite is low. Our blood pressure falls when we don't eat enough and that can add to feeling crap.
Try not to beat yourself up. Yes, an affair was not the solution to the problems in the marriage, but you are not the first human to have messed up. People stop communicating very easily in relationships (here I speak from experience - I experienced a sudden and shocking bereavement a few years ago and pretty much overnight hardly really talked to dh much except when I had to for 2 years, I'm sure it was only his sheer stubborn minded mess that got us through some very dark days).
More people will be along over the next couple of days to chip in and try to work this through with you.
Night night, I'll be back tomorrow.

What's done is done. You had an affair, so did he by the sounds of things and now you've split. It doesn't have to be anymore complicated than that except for sorting out time with DC's. It's a new year, and whilst I don't bother with the 'new year new me' stuff it's a perfect time to start afresh and start thinking about yourself and your DC.

It will hurt, it always does but you'll get through it because you have to. Hope you feel better soon.

What strikes me is that it was probably never very solid. You walked away from him. He walked away from you. Affairs happen for all kinds of reasons but, when it's so early on in a relationship, something must have been fundamentally wrong with the dynamic all round.

It's always distressing when things end, however it happens. You need support.... practical, emotional, financial, legal .... so don't let guilt and self-reproach hold you back from seeking help. You also make it sound as though you're still hoping for a reconciliation and that's probably not going to happen.

Do be with family and friends and, if you are particularly depressed, think about seeing your GP. Good luck

I am so sorry for this deeply sad and awful situation and am lighting a candle for you to give you strength. I think he is very angry with you right now but whatever happens, you need to be kind to yourself and look after yourself. You will find the strength somehow to live through this.

I do not have any major advice but I am so thinking of you and sending love and hugs.

Hope you are coping JustDrive. Wise words from other Mnetters which hopefully will help in some way. Good luck.

You can't have been meant to be together if you both were unfaithful. Move on in 2014 and try to recover.

Best wishes.

hope 2014 is better year for you, maybe as someone else suggested if these things happened you weren't right for each other.