I know I should keep my nose out, but..

[Uprising]

This has been bugging me for the last two weeks, and I'm not sure what to do for the best.

So not to drip feed. Friend is a functioning alcoholic, she has also been on Prozac for last twenty years for depression bought on by PND. She will go through periods where she takes the full dosage, then reduces to nothing depending on how she feels. She also takes strong painkillers for back pain.

A couple of weeks ago I was round hers when she said that her DD's (20) bf (21) had been drinking, he started shouting and swearing at her DD on way home, threw cans of beer at her DD and on the road, then when they got home he locked the DD out of her room, told her to fuck off and sleep on the settee. Apparently he woke the house up (friend/Her DH/ 2 younger DC). They told her to leave him alone, sleep on settee and get him out in the morning.

When I said to friend 'I hope she's got rid'. Friend stated that the BF has MH issues, on AD's, has self harmed previously and had issues with food. Apparently he's ok so long as he doesn't drink! The mum feels sorry for him, and encouraged her DD to stay with him . Asked friend why she's encouraging her DD to stay in the relationship, just got a load of flannel about him being a good kid, the mum feels sorry for him, it's only if he drinks he gets like that, and he's promised not to drink .

Two weeks ago we went out for a meal. Me and DH left early, taking her DD with us. Friend and the BF stayed to finish off drinking. On the way home her DD stated that her mum is encouraging her to have a baby 'wouldn't it be nice, I can look after it for you' . Fortunately the DD appears to have her head screwed on and said she doesn't want one and would move far away from her mum if she did. Agreed that I thought she'd be better off waiting until she wanted a child before having one, but not much more than that. Didn't really want to say anything about her mum or relationship as I'd had a few glasses of wine and have a tendency to be too honest, which doesn't go down too well at times.

Friend is all over babies and would have another herself if able. I feel sorry for the DD being put under pressure to have a baby and stay in what is probably going to be an abusive relationship, but I'm at a loss as to what to do, if anything, or whether I should just keep my nose out?

The DH is a nice man, but weak, they both want to be friends with the kids and are crap at putting boundaries in place.

That's really shitty and you've every right to be concerned, but I don't think there's anything you can do :(

Just try to make peace with the fact you tried to talk to her, that's all you could have done.

Do you often have the opportunity to speak to the DD on your own? They are family friends and there is no reason why you and the DD can't have conversations about life, love and the universe etc. Perhaps just be there for her to open up to about her relationship etc. She is very unlikely to leave him because you say 'you should leave him' but she may come to that conclusion herself if there is a space for her to explore how she feels rather than be pressured into putting up with his behaviour from her mum.

Mention MN for when she feels like offloading with ahem impartial people?
She'd be able to hear from people who don't want to lose her mother's friendship.

Having said that, you could mention to her what you, as a woman and mother, would do in her situation.

And talk to your friend as well about the risks her DD faces.

Encourage the DD to bin the bf - assuming mum then won't side with him.

Thanks for your responses.

I don't see the daughter on her own, just if I go round to the parents.

I have tried in the past to get the mum to come on MN for advice about her own relationship, but she's not interested.

In part I wonder if the mums own situation has an impact on why she would encourage her daughter to stay in what is a relatively new relationship. Does she think her daughter can 'rescue' this bloke from his demons?

Mum and DD have an up and down relationship, given her current views I have a feeling that the mum would side with the bf.

Can you do what I've done with my friend's DD who was recently in a pickle and tell her that whatever happens, you are there for her and can support her if she needs to talk to someone?