Spending time with former in laws

[theeverydaydancer]

They are not technically in laws as I was never married to my ex but we do have a 2yo DD together.

Have just come back from spending a few days at my ex's mums house (with my ex) so that my DD could spend some time with her extended family over the holiday period. I feel she is too young to go on her own so for the time being I am going up with her. His family live quite far away (a plane journey away) so also don't like the idea of being too far from her.

The ex's family is always quite friendly with me, although I always sense an underlying tension. For example a few times when I walked into a room some of them were in it would all of a sudden go deadly quiet making me think they were talking about me. Also my gut tells me something is slightly off from their body language or the way they talk to me etc.

I'm quite a shy/anxious person anyway but I find these visits so stressful. Its also not easy being round my ex so much, we don't get on that well.

I think I was able to hold myself together whilst I was there but now that I am back I feel like I am having a delayed stress reaction to it all. I just feel anxious, stressed and angry.

I think the point of my thread was really just to vent and get it out.

So , you won't let your ex take her to see his grandparents & don't want to take her yourself?

Hi OP

I did this when DD was that age. It was tough, but like you I felt it was important, and I still do. You're not doing it for them, you're doing it for DD and as long as they are good people who treat HER well, you should continue to encourage the relationship.

I totally get that at 2 you don't want her going off on a plane without you. I think by 4, when she's getting better at communicating and knows them better, it'll be fine for her to go with her dad.

So what you need to do is decide whether you can stand 4 more trips. And remember that's 4 more EVER. Then you never have to do it again. Maybe you could even let her go on her own at 3.5. That's just 3 more trips.

If that's the case, maybe you could save up and pay for B&B / find a local hostel or similar? Is there anywhere nearby that you could go off and explore for a night or two while you're there - not with them but an hour away if DD needed you?

My DD lost her Grandad last year. If I hadn't gone with exP to visit him when she was this age, she'd never have built a relationship with him. I have never regretted it.

Good luck.