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Original poster

Considering Inviting Ex on Holiday

15 replies

PigeonsCanClimbStairs · 31/12/2013 13:27

It seems like a really good idea in my head but I know it isn't so I guess I just want some sense talking into me!

I split up with my ex 18 months ago. We still speak, mainly to do with DS (3) but we do do things together with DS occasionally, go to the park or for dinner and he comes round for special occasions like birthdays and Christmas and we get on well enough.

Me and DS are going for a few days to Centre Parcs at the end of January and I was thinking of asking my ex if he wanted to come.

He's been through a lot this year - Family illness, split up with his partner and not seen his daughter since and depression. So I thought some time way might do him good. Me and DS have got activities booked and there's two bedrooms so if he wanted to do his own thing then that would be fine. I think DS would love it and I might get some grown up company.

I'm worried if I ask him he might just think it's a not so subtle attempt to get back together (it isn't) or that I don't have the amazing new life he seems to think I do.

I don't want to be on my own forever, but me and DS are quite happy as we are just now, I've got a lot more freedom and it's great just looking after DS to look after and not have to please anyone else.

It is a really silly idea even to consider isn't it?

OP posts:
CuttedUpPear · 31/12/2013 13:28

Why not, if your DS would love it?
Who cares whether your ex needs to believe you have a packed romantic life or not?
I think this is very magnanimous of you.

ninja · 31/12/2013 13:30

I went on a PGL with my daughter and there was a girl the with her mum and dad who'd been divorced for years, seemed to work for them!

Only1scoop · 31/12/2013 13:32

If it feels ok to ask then ask the question. He can decline if he's not comfortable.
Have a lovely break.

Lottiedoubtie · 31/12/2013 13:46

Depends why you spilt I think...

muddylettuce · 31/12/2013 15:19

My friends mum and dad used to spend holidays (Christmas, summer etc) together with their children. I always used to be envious of that as my parents couldn't even be in the same room as each other. If you both get on then why not? Your son will love it and you might get some down time-bonus! X

LIZS · 31/12/2013 15:21

Aren't you worried it might send the wrong message and blur lines for your ds ?

Original poster
PigeonsCanClimbStairs · 31/12/2013 15:30

Thank you for the replies.

We split up mainly due to different priorities when it came to parenting and bills and just not getting on very much living together. It's since we both got to live how we want that we've got on more. Which doesn't really bode well for staying in the same place does it? But it's only for four days.

DS gets that his dad comes round on special occasions, and a holiday is like a special occasion I don't think it would confuse him overly much.

OP posts:
maleview70 · 31/12/2013 15:36

As long as you let him know the score before you go and as long as deep down you are not hoping to rekindle things then no reason why it can't work.

If you are though then that's a different matter!

starlight1234 · 31/12/2013 15:36

I think it is positive if you genuinely think it can work... Not just because you feel sorry for him...Be aware if it doesn't he can ruin a holiday so have a long think about how the two of you will get on for 4 days before asking the question.

I think you can word it carefully to Ex to make it clear this is about DC

Aussiebean · 31/12/2013 15:41

He could just go for one or two of the days and do a couple of activities just with your ds and will give you some time out.

He doesn't have to be there the whole time.

That might help with any boundaries you need.

iwasyoungonce · 31/12/2013 15:43

My aunt used to go on holiday with her ex, but it was with her new DH and her exh's new wife. It was many years after they had divorced, and it was all very amicable, luckily they could all be friends.

I think it can work, the only thing that would make it a bad idea is if either one of you still had feelings for the other, and were hoping for a reconciliation. If you're both completely over the relationship, and your friendly enough, then I'd say go for it.

PassAFist · 31/12/2013 15:46

Dh and I separated for 18 months about 6 years ago, the intent was to split and we were trying to sort out our finances. He came on holiday with me and the kids for a week and it was wonderful, we got along great, I had help with the kids, I actually managed to get some rest, it worked out really well for us. We actually did this two summers in a row, and then ended up getting back together 8 months later.

I don't see any reason why it wouldn't work based on what you've said.

TartinaTiara · 31/12/2013 15:52

I've happily been on holidays with exH, with and without DC. I think that whether it works for you depends on why you split up, and that you're both on the same page about it being a permanent split.

Given what you've said, I'd say that it could work out well. You both get to spend time with your DS, and you both have the chance for time off.

SparkleSoiree · 31/12/2013 15:55

I think it's really nice of you. If he doesn't want to come or feels uncomfortable he can always decline, can't he?

beachside · 01/01/2014 21:22

Center Parcs eh.

Taking the lube? :)

Srsly now, I see no reason why ex shouldn't join you as you both appear to be mature enough that you can still deal with one another sensibly, unlike so many others, so good on you both for that and enjoy the break.

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