How do you know?

[Rocklover]

I posted a few days ago and have since read some other posts that hve got me thinking. How DO you know if that not feeling love or attraction for your DH is just a result of having a baby/not going out enough etc.

I tried to talk to DH today as he has been quite "off" towards me the last few days, he just puts it down to giving up smoking and tiredness. However, his response to me trying to talk about our problems was "I am not in the mood right now, I am tired, feel unwell (nicotine withdrawal) and I want to relax". Trouble is this is pretty much what he says every time I try to tell him I am not happy. I have also tried not talking and he just uses that to say that I am not "trying" to work on the marriage.

He makes me so mad I just want to smack him one (I am holding myslef back!)! Last night I went out to aconcert with my family, he was supposed to come, but volunteered to stay with DD who has chickenpox. When we got back he was just really narky and rude to all of us, (it's got to the point where my sis and her fiance don't want to visit as he hardly talks to them). He has been out twice this week for a meal and a drink and received a much better welcome back, he complains about the food we give him, that the house is a mess, fridge is crap etc etc. This is what I was annoyed about today, but he just won't EVER talk to me, always accuses me of trying to start an argument. I really feel that he is totally immature and nothing like the man I married. Is there anything I can do to salvage anything???

Also he has a way of making me feel that everything I say I am making up and I always feel so stupid and forget an examples I had prepared when I want to "talk", I used to be so confident, how does he confise me so much???

hi rocklover i had a ex like that never wanted to talk or listen to me or address any problems we had hence hes a ex ( but not for that reason thats another long story but he was a a**e)
you could try going out for a drink/meal and try to talk to him sometimes a more relaxed place helps men listen/talk (also beer!) you dont sound very happy with you marrage and ill give you the same advice i gave my friend a few weeks ago when she was having problems with her hubby if he wont listen or talk and your not happy leave him good luck and {{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}

Maybe he has to get through the nicotine withdrawal first, rocklover.

Sssandy he has quit twice before for 8 months so I have been through it, besides, he is moody quite alot even with the fags. I should add he is a teacher on holiday for 6 weeks and going to a new job in Sept he can't wait for!!! I have taken him out for a meal/drink, but I can never find the right moment and if I do he either says he is sorry and carries on as normal or gets in a huff!

Just spent time cooking the dinner and he stalked into the kitchen and said it was "f**king filthy". Bearing in mind we couldn't tidy up yesterday night when we came in from the concert as he was sleeping downstairs (we had guests) and wanted us all upstairs and out of the way! Also this is my parents house and he NEVER lifts a finger to help...won't even offer to make tea and coffee for everyone and he is also compalining about us having fans on around the house as they are "not good", even my Dr said we should use one in DD's room whilst it was so hot!!!!!

Now he is downstairs laughing at the tv like he doesn't have a care in the world. Also I have noticed he is beginning to gloat if DD goes to him and not me for a hug, he doesn't say anything, but the look on his face speaks volumes!

Thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not kill!

Bump

Hmmm, quick, tell me what attracted you to him in the first place.

Think things will improve once he's settled in a job he likes to be honest. Think he's disatisfied with himself and lashing out at you.

Also have a feeling you may (like me and most British women really) concentrate on the mother role. I've noticed women of some other nationalities put that role second to being wife/lover/gf. I have friends I can't even CALL when their dh is at home, because then they have to completely concentrate on being with him.

Was he always so rude though? Telling you that you're too fat, leaving a mess in your dp's home, not having the courtesy to even make a cup of coffee for his ILs? Or has he changed a lot?

He has changed alot, although I never said he has called me fat, he wouldn't do that. I hinestly think that he has major emotional problems, caused by his parents, and this is why I cannot have a reasonable discussion with him as he classes everything as an argument. The job he has just left he loved, he is only going to a different school to further his career. He used to make me feel special, secure and sexy, now he treats me more like one of his work colleagues (with a grope when he wants some nookie) and I feel that he is just tolerating me. I am distant from it the moment and he has mentioned that, but he doesn't seem bothered and he is not willing to talk about why this is happening. I am at a complete loss as he just really is a completely different person from the one I met 8 yrs ago.