How can I make him leave?

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DP has had an awful year (parents being made almost bankrupt through no fault of their own, his mother being diagnosed with lung cancer, plus job issues). This is not to make excuses for his behaviour but to give some background as to why I believe he is now drinking to excess. He has also started smoking marijuana, something which he did occasionally when we first met but hasn't done since I fell pregnant with DS (now 2.8).

The last few months have been awful. He is constantly rude to me, doesn't make any effort with DS, doesn't help around the house at all, is basically in bed if he's not at work. . There are other examples but basically he is creating an atmosphere of fear. I'm 29 weeks pregnant and completely exhausted.

His behaviour has escalated and today he kicked one of DS's toys. He has started throwing things on the floor lately and I am starting to feel scared of him.

I have asked him to leave, as this is not an environment I want DS to grow up in. He reacted terribly, screaming and shouting and saying that he would never ever leave this house without DS. He told me the only way I could get him to leave would be by calling the police, but if I did that then I should wait and see what happens afterwards.

I just feel disgusted at myself for having children by this man, my son is the most precious thing in the world to me and the thought of
DP taking him away is making me sick. I dread to think of the stress I am putting my unborn baby in.

Sorry I am rambling, typing on my phone and it's difficult to scroll back. We are not in any immediate danger btw, as DP is working a night shift and won't be back til 8am. When he comes back I'm sure he will be all contrite and say he didn't mean it but it keeps happening.

But I am wondering what happens if I do call the police - will they help me if the violence is only threatened? And what will he do to me and DS afterwards? He is from another country (within the EU) and really has nowhere else to go here - I fear he will make my life a misery and we'll never be free of him.

Thanks for any advice.

I'm no expert, but I think you should phone 101 and at least get a record of the threats etc so far. At least, then, if his behaviour escalates and you need to phone them, your number is flagged.

The two of you need to talk calmly and find a way forward as things cannot go on as they are. He sounds unwell, like he is cracking up and has nothing left for you and your children and although you clearly need support yourself I wonder if listening to how things feel for him is a place to start.

The police would take you very seriously if you did call them and they have various methods of ensuring that abusive partners have to stay away. He may be under extreme stress or suffering from depression (as the PP is suggesting) but neither are excuses for creating an atmosphere of fear and the other bad behaviour you describe. If he won't see a doctor, you have no choice but to keep yourself and your child safe. Indeed, intervention may be the only thing that prompts him to get help. The 101 number is an excellent idea as they can give you advice. Womens Aid 0808 2000 247 are also a very good source of practical information and advice