How long did it take you to leave?

[tiredoldmum]

I guess I should ask how long did you keep trying in your relationship when you had an idea it wasn't going to work out?

What was the last straw that caused you to leave?

How long did it take you to leave?

I guess there is a reason for asking? But for me I trudged on for years and finally had the balls to kick him out ( after 20 years together), 4 weeks, for me it was the damage he was doing to his own son and sitting in on my DS counselling session and her ringing me the next day what I was going to do about the horrible situation @ home.

not great from Feb this year til it all hit fan start of July. last ditch attempts on my part to make it work til start October when I said enough is enough either try or admit you want out. he left start November. for me listen to your gut. go with your gut. but by god its hard.

I bin bagged all of his stuff and asked him to leave the day I found out he had been texting someone else 88-153 times a day

It was a long death, in that there wasn't an immediate trigger for at least a couple of years, but I did think at times about what I would do if I needed to get out. (Not on MN then)

The very immediate trigger was him threatening me and DS. It took me about 5 min to decide to walk out and about 1 hour until I though I could do it without him connecting the two. I left with DS and that was it.
This was after two events of DV, after which I called the police, but still gave him a chance.
If not for those, I'd probably still be with him, being very unhappy, sadly. Although I had got to the point of telling him I didn't know if I loved him when he asked during an argument. I think it was doomed anyway. I just didn't want to kick him out, as he was on Incapacity Benefit and would have nowhere to go.
And I had concluded he as an abuser at heart, after seeing how he treated our kitten.

Thanks everyone.
Yes, there is a reason for asking. My first marriage I stayed way too long. 20 years.

This time I have been married for just a few years and I am really at the end of my rope with this man. the lodging, the constant grumpy negative

I think you should stop trying when you realise the other person isn't, or won't change.

I had another relationship after exH and decided to walk out when he was getting on my nerves more than I was happy with. I didn't think there was a point in asking him to change, as people really don't, and not fair either. There were also a few yellow flags and I really didn't want to wait to see if they would turn red.

Oh god, years!! He started being a bit of an arse when I was pregnant, I left a year ago when DS was 2.6. The straw-that-broke-the-camel's-back moment was when he shouted, ranted, yelled and swore at me in front of DS because I wouldn't put DS in the bath in the frankly bizarre way he insisted upon. There had been similar but less blatantly wrong incidents already, I realised he wasn't ever going to get any better and so I called it a day.

I know I would never put up with the shit I have taken over the years with my next relationship ( if I ever have one). so can see where your though process is tired life is too short