how on earth do i deal with all of this

[wontletmesignin]

Im getting more and more stressed out.
I need to find out how to deal with this. All of it.

Am i wrong for thinking even an hour away from the kids, so i could at least gather my thoughts would do me good?
Not that that would happen!

With my mam going through what she is going through at the minute.
The thing on her breast/chest. Waiting for biopsy results in a week.
It has put everything else to the back of my mind.

But the holidays are almost over, and i know everything is coming back into light again with my ex.
He is up on trial in january. I have an appt with the DV advocate on the 6th.

The phone calls fron everywhere are going to start again.

I really dont know how much more i can take! I can feel myself slowly slipping. I am not usually a stressful person, but im more stressy as the days go on and im filled with guilt because of this.

How the hell do i deal with all of this.
I am tryinf the mindfullness and it works to an extent, but then i just end up filled with so many thoughts it doesnt even occur to me!

I think I remember something about your earlier post(s)... and you DO have a lot to deal with!! Is there no way you can get an hour or two by yourself? I used to have a friend who had PND and would show up on my doorstep asking if I could take her PFB so she could get some exercise and cheer up a bit. I always helped her. Always!!

Even getting out with a buggy or push chair might help you.... Or go to a place where Cs can play while you sit with a cuppa.

In the evening can you plan a treat for yourself when Cs go to bed? I love hot baths with a magazine to distract me.....

Or call someone.... Samaritans? Friend? Mum?

Holding your hand...... sending you good thoughts for strength and peace inside your own mind.

Thank you.

No there is no way. I have 4 kids and unfortunately not many people want to take them off my hands. Theyre good kids, theyrr a lot to handle on their best behaviour though with being 4 of them.

3, 5, 9 and 10. When i get some later in the week i could take them to the soft play.
Not that i rest there, i have to join in lol. But it will get us out.

On a night time, i can get some time for myself but my 3 yr old has started being a pain on night times. Probably picking up on me.
He ends up shouting of me every 3 minutes and so i am up and down the stairs or in and out of thr bath.
Then 5 yr old will start when he stops.
Then when they are finally settled the older two will come and just want to talk.

Ds3's dad has helped me out quite a bit. Hes brought us all our dinner a few times and been there to talk to.
But off my ex i find it so hard to open up, feeling like he wont want to hear it as i was told so often off my ex.

My youngest will be starting nursery again when they reopen so at least i will get a couple of hours then.

Im worried over being stressed and SS thinking im not coping. So im trying to hold it all, but its getting harder and harder which makes me worry more and more. Which is probably making me worse!