Narc parents and narc brother - things getting even worse

[Lottapianos]

Thank heavens I was at the ILs for Xmas this year - hardly a joyful experience but nothing compared to what my sister was putting up with in the 'family home'. ....

Very long story short - 29 year old DB lives at home with parents (both narcs). He is the golden child, and probably a narc himself. Sis was there for 5 days over Xmas, and just hours before she was due to leave, mother decides to tell her that things with DB have been 'very bad' and 'it was touch and go' but now he's on ADs and seeing a counsellor. I think the 'touch and go' is meant to suggest that he was threatening suicide. DSis challenged parents about why they were telling her all this now, when she's about to walk out the door. Blank faces and no acknowledgement of what utter arses they were being.

DB comes into room and hears end of conversation. Orders DSis to sit down (she had been about to leave). Spends the next 30 minutes detailing all the different ways he had investigated killing himself. Kept going until parents were in floods of tears. DSis felt he was desperate for a response from her so refused to give in. Mother says to him 'if you commit suicide, we will all have to do it' And father agreed Dear god, the whole situation is utterly insane. Because DSis didn't respond, she got dismissed by DB with 'you can go now'.

There has been some pretty messed up and chilling stuff that has happened in my family up until now but this little episode makes me sick to my stomach. It's so deeply wrong and dysfunctional. I keep thinking of the phrase 'emotional incest' - members of a family using each other for emotional satisfaction in ways that are completely violating and inappropriate.

I'm in minimal contact with them - see them about once a year, speak 2-3 times a year - and I'm so glad I live in another country and have my own life here. I'm torn between feeling desperately, heartbreakingly sad for all of them, and feeling so sick of the whole damn thing. I know that I cannot cure any of them, and it is not my mess to fix. I feel numb and shocked and disgusted and angry and scared and loads of other stuff that I can't even process. I'm just quite stunned at how deeply wrong the whole situation is. It would seem like a ridiculous storyline if I watched it in a film!

Thank you for reading, I really needed to get that out. I am in therapy but taking a break for Xmas. I will be very glad to see my therapist next week.

Oh Jesus, your poor DS. Can you support her (or help her get support) to either go no/very low contact?

Thanks gobby, she's ok. She doesn't live with them and has gone back to her own place where she has lovely sane flatmates and lovely sane friends. She's going away with friends for NYE and is looking forward to it. She has decided that she's not visiting parents again for a very long time and if so, it will only be for one night at a time. I felt physically sick when she was telling me about what happened, I think I would have almost had a nervous breakdown if I'd actually been there.

Maybe you need to have a chat with her when things calm down, and explain that you don't want to be her sounding board for her issues with them. I know that sounds harsh, but you need to look out for your own wellbeing.

That's a good point. As upsetting and awful as hearing about it was, in a strange way I think it's actually helping me with the process of detaching from them emotionally. I have struggled massively with guilt and feeling that I have abandoned them etc. I am getting stronger in this respect and hearing this story, there can be absolutely no denying how seriously toxic all three of them are.